It must be difficult for the GOP these days. On one hand, they want to continue to appeal to Bible-thumping, teabagging, gun-toting bigots, but on the other, they also want to extend their congregation beyond the high school drop-outs and the plantation owners. This level of re-branding is hard enough to do without the family of one of their most recognizable Senators breaking ranks with the party on one of their core issues.

For the past year or so, one question has been on everyone’s mind: What does UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar think about Universal Health Care?

Finally, we have an answer – not much.

“I love Canada,” said Lesnar. “Some of the best people and best hunting in the world, but I wasn’t in the right facility.”

Yesterday's Massachusetts' election affects me personally. I'm self-employed and have a cheap health plan. Within the first few months of beginning a new plan, I'm already involved in a dispute with the provider, Golden Rule, a subsidiary of UnitedHealthcare. My health plan, I recently discovered, doesn't cover preventive care in the first three months. I don't know why they have this restriction. It would not be a big deal except that no one told me about it, not when I signed up and not when I called to confirm that my physician was in network.

I'm going to shamelessly repost this from Tim F. at Balloon Juice, because it's good and timely advice. Call your member of the House and tell them to vote for health care reform. Tell them loud, and tell them proud. Here's how:

(1) Use a phone. Email has nigh on zero impact. Trust me on this. Letter mail gets read, but you don’t have time. Reach the House switchboard at (202) 224-3121 .

While Democrats are fretting about what to do about health care reform following Scott Brown's Senate victory in Massachusetts, many have brought up the idea that they should use the legislative process known as Reconciliation to pass a reform bill.

The mainstream media, always happy to run with a meme, have decided that Reconciliation is an obscure, sneaky process:

I get it. You're angry with the incompetent, self-serving, tone-deaf leadership of the Democratic Party. Just don't try to tell me you're surprised.

The good news is: the solution is at your fingertips. Channel that anger! It's a midterm election year -- traditional time for throwing out incumbents. Just beat the Republicans to the punch by primarying the asses off all these pseudo-Democratic dickheads. Not all of them, of course. There are at least a handful who stand with and for the common man. But there's a long list of corporatist anti-progressives who can go.

AFGHANISTAN – Jesus Christ looked through his rifle scope. More than 200 yards away was known Muslim Ali-Aba Khan. With preternatural calm, Christ stared intently, lining up his shot. When he pulled the trigger, the back of Khan’s head exploded. Christ picked up his rifle and walked away.

“The power of Christ compelled him,” said a chuckling Christ.

Robert B. Parker died today, in Cambridge, at his writing desk. I turned on my cell after an afternoon class and found that every male member of my family had left a message with the news.

Last Thursday, I received a phone call from my friend, Lily, a San Francisco native halfway through her kindergarten year. In truth, we are more than friends. We married in an unofficial ceremony during the summer of 2008, and over a few brief hours of marital bliss and several cups of imaginary tea, we were blessed with four or five children, one of whom resembled a furry red monster.

MASSACHUSETTS – In a pre-emptive strike, Fox News, the GOP and the campaign of Scott Brown have come forward to file federal electoral complaints against the Black Panthers and the group ACORN.

“The fact that I haven’t already been declared the winner shows that there is massive voter fraud going on,” said Brown, several hours before the polls closed. “I blame ACORN.”

I don't like to blog about narrowly political horse-race topics often, and whoever wins in Massachusetts today I'll be blogging the same big picture. If Coakley wins, it's still instructuve that she had trouble with a specific breed of Democrats (whom I will call the Big Daddy Democrats), and even if she wins there may be trouble ahead in places like Ohio and West Virginia. If COakley loses, Obama and the Dems will still be in much the same relatively difficult place as before, and the difficulties (and their relative nature) won't change radically.

These are sad times. The world is a confused, chaotic mess. War is now considered diplomacy. Freedom is but a catch phrase with no literal meaning. Life is getting more perilous and frightening for more and more people.

And my beard’s a mess. And that really saddens me.

AMERICA – The U.S. came to a grinding halt today, as everyone in America lost their keys.

“I could have sworn I put them on the counter,” said Tom Jenkins of Riverside, Calif. “Honest to God, I just can’t remember where I put them. No idea whatsoever.”

I'm totally unqualified to predict who'll win tomorrow's Senate election, which puts me right up there with every other pundit or expert. I suspect Obama's last-minute intervention and a desperate get-out-the-vote effort just might eke out a narrow win for Coakley. But I wouldn't bet on it; she's a bad candidate with an aura of entitlement and zero resonance with the national mood Obama tapped into just over a year ago.

MASSACHUSETTS – Disgruntled Democrats – unhappy with candidate Martha Coakley – could throw President Barack Obama’s agenda for a loop as a large group of liberal voters have come forward to say that they will write-in Satan as their vote in tomorrow’s

While the team’s are still undecided, this Super Bowl XLIV promises to be a truly spectacular event where all Americans can come together and be thankful – for the fact that Tim Tebow’s mom didn’t abort him.

From the Denver Post:

Focus on the Family will air a 30-second “life- and family-affirming” television spot, featuring University of Florida star quarterback Tim Tebow and his mother, Pam, during the coverage.

BURBANK – Following a week that saw its late-night line-up explode in controversy, NBC has now announced that ex-Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich will be the new host of the “Tonight Show,” and that the show will be moved to Sunday at 8 a.m.