"Get the hell out of Palestine...Remember these people are occupied, and it's their land."
-- Helen Thomas, former journalist of the White House Press Corps

Their land. What does that phrase mean? I understand what it means to purchase a piece of land. You sign a deed, and you own the property, just as you might own a car, shares of stock shares, or a poodle. If someone steals your land, your car, your stock, or your poodle, it is an injustice.

On June 4th, the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) released an audio recording of a radio exchange between a flotilla ship and the Israeli Navy in which an unidentified crew member of the Mavi Marmara shouted, "Shut up, go back to Auschwitz!" Another unidentified voice with a distinctive Southern drawl explained to the Israeli Navy, "We're helping Arabs go against the US. Don't forget 9/11, guys."

It's no secret that I greet all information coming from the IDF skeptically. I expect bullshit, but I expect cleverly crafted, quasi-credible bullshit. So when I heard this 26-second audio clip from the flotilla encounter two days ago, I felt sure it was a scam -- a hoax by some nasty leftist agitators seeking to embarrass the Israeli military.

Let me start with this: I don't want Nikki Haley to be Governor of South Carolina. No way. No how. I don't especially want her to win her primary, and I would actively root for her defeat in the general election. But the way Haley is being treated is dead wrong.

I don't want Haley to become Governor because I think her ideas are mistaken and misguided. I don't think modern conservatism leads to good policies. So, I hope she loses. But the question of whether or not she's perfectly faithful to her husband has nothing to do with what kind of leader she would be.

Another man – Republican lobbyist Larry Marchant – has come forward admitting to an affair with Republican gubernatorial front-runner Nikki Haley.

Honestly, I just don’t care one way or another about this “Scandal.” But, being that it would have been said already if the genders were switched, let me just make this proclamation:

Will Folks & Larry Marchant are family-wrecking whores.

–WKW

AFGHANISTAN — American actor and martial arts enthusiast Chuck Norris will take over as the No. 3 man in Al Qaeda, sources say. Norris, known for his hyper-conservative views and Internet Facts, will join the terrorist organization in a private ceremony later today.

While many have voiced confusion about the move due to Norris being an unapologetic Christian, an Al-Qaeda spokesman said it all made perfect sense.

Being a lobbyist can’t be easy. First off, in most cases, you have to actually rid yourself of any soul whatsoever to get into the business. Secondly, there are no career goals outside of getting paid – even the most successful lobbyists on the planet have no real “achievements.” Just bucketloads of money.

Are they a necessary evil? I don’t know. But perhaps America might be a better place if lobbyists didn’t tell Americans that they could get cancer if they tax the wealthy.

From Politico:

While Israel fights its newest PR war after it’s attack on an aid flotilla left a dozen or so dead, the U.S. is showing that friends in high places can be quite helpful. First, the Obama Administration has taken a stand from the rest of the planet by not condemning the acts. And second, it seems that Israelis can even manage to kidnap American citizens without getting any reprimand from Washington.

WASHINGTON – Angered over repeated accusations that they have no answers or plans, the GOP today announced a new strategic plan to save the Gulf of Mexico from Grace Slick.

“We are the party of today, and tomorrow,” said House Minority Leader John Boehner. “The Grace Slick situation in the Gulf of Mexico is one that we’re ready to handle.”

When informed that Grace Slick was a singer who now lived in Illinois, Republicans, as is their wont, refused to back down, budge or change course.

Israel has always needed its friends.

Initial reports out of the Gulf are that British Petroleum's "Top Kill" plan has stopped the oil from spurting out of the Earth.

From AmericaBlog:

I've written a couple of posts recently about the phenomenon of right-wing projection. Projection is a Freudian concept according to which people project their own feelings of hostility onto the targets of their hostility. It is a psychological defense strategy that enables people to disown their feelings of hatred and intolerance by attributing them to the people they hate.

HOLLYWOOD – After decades of being reviled as history’s worst monster, Adolf Hitler has had a surprise resurgence recently, mostly as a result of entertainers like Glenn Beck and others bringing up his name so much. The new attention has paid dividends, however, as Patrick Duffy will star as Hitler in the new NBC sitcom “That’s So Hitler!”

Like many, I watched the finale of the hit show Lost with much anticipation. Unlike many others, I take a very realistic view of the program.

Basically, I think we’re all dead.

Let me explain: In the finale of Lost, we learn that the alternate universe where they were residing is more of a limbo-type plane of existence. All were waiting to be “awoken” to their real existence, find peace with it, and move on, to heaven it appears.

If you show up in a chicken suit at a Nevada polling place to have your say in the primaries, you will not be allowed to vote. And this has chicken-suit wearers across the state molting in anger.

“It’s like I live in Soviet Russia,” said Tim Johnson of Sparks, Nev. “I moved here from Tupelo to get away from this kind of cultural totalitarianism.”

WASHINGTON – In an extremely bold maneuver today, the White House today made it clear they were going to take on the British Petroleum oil disaster by ignoring it in the hopes it will just go away.

“What oil spill? The Gulf of Mexico is fine, just fine,” said White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs. “Next question.”

Has been said better by the immaculate Jay Smooth (below the jump):

In response to Comedy Central's decision to self-censor a South Park episode in which the prophet Muhammad was depicted wearing a bear suit, a Seattle comedian declared May 20th as "Everybody Draw Muhammad" Day.

My immediate reaction upon hearing the news was, "For fuck's sake, everybody grow up."