Michael Wolraich's picture

    The Beginning of the End (Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love The Math)

    I've declared repeatedly since the PA primary that this race is over soon after May 6th. Despite the high anxiety of Obama supporters and all the talk of Clinton momentum, I stand by this projection. My reason for saying so is very simple. There will not be enough remaining votes after May 6th to make a difference. Not to the delegate count. Not to the popular vote. After May 6th, you won't need any fancy delegate calculators to see that. It will be obvious to all.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Is Hillary Behind My Brain Dysfunction?

    Have you been feeling "fuzzy" lately? Blinded by passion? Addled by rage? Do you find yourself ranting about MSM unfairness and the well-known bias of certain TPM staffers? (I won't name any names but it rhymes with "Breg Bargent".) Do you hurl potted plants at your television or periodically spit on your monitor? Do you pound the "recommend" button manically when you see an anti-Hillary post, even though it only works the first time? Have your purchased five or more computers so that you can vent your anger through multiple recommendations?

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    How To Be Tough: A Primer

    1) Say "I'm tough". Say it a lot. Also, use the word "fight" in every other sentence.

    2) Promise not to quit. Ever. Consequences be damned.

    3) Compare yourself to tough historical figures. Like Rocky.

    4) Do not apologize. Tough people don't apologize. Rocky doesn't apologize.

    5) Tell anecdotes of about yourself in tough situations. E.g. "We landed under sniper fire and had to run to our vehicles."

    6) Play tough music. Examples:
    - Eye Of the Tiger (Survivor)
    - I Won't Back Down (Tom Petty)

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Another Obama Terrorist Relationship

    The day before the Pennsylvania primary, Barack Obama's campaign has been rocked by news of another troublesome relationship. There have been reports that Obama is separated by only six degrees from mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden. According to the reports, Obama's kindergarten teacher's family friend's cousin's doorman's grandmother was the kindergarten teacher of mass-murdering terrorist Osama Bin Laden.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Blue-Collar Boot Camp

    Perhaps you've heard of Barack Obama's shocking condescension to the good working people of small town Pennsylvania and Hillary Clinton's courageous defense of their blissful collective mental health. We Democrats, it seems, have a problem connecting with the happy little working people, which is a bit of a shame because their votes would really come in helpful this November. They used to be our little people, you know, before Reagan stole them away from us with his family values sham. I think it's time to get them back.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Dance Dance Nomination, The Finale

    This is a three part series. I recommend that you first read Part I and Part II, or you will be confused and slightly disoriented. You may experience sensations of nausea.


    Live dance-off blogging. Remember, the outcome of the dance competition will determine the Democratic nominee. There are three competitions: ballroom, breakdance, and free-style.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Dance Dance Nomination, Part II

    This is a three part series. I recommend that you first read Part I, or you will be confused and slightly disoriented. You may experience sensations of nausea.


    I'm now in the rehearsal studio with the Clintons. I'm impressed with their tango. Hillary in particular seems poised and disciplined. They've been drilling the same step for half an hour. Bill seems like he's fading a bit, and they've agreed to take a break to answer a few questions:

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Dance Dance Nomination, Part I

    Back in the warm, fuzzy days of January in South Carolina, Barack Obama was asked whether Bill Clinton deserved to be called the first black president. He replied "I would have to, you know, investigate more of Bill's dancing abilities...before I accurately judge whether he was in fact a brother," to which Hillary Clinton replied, "I'm sure that can be arranged."

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Math Shmath

    All the Obama people can talk about after their savior got his butt kicked is math, math, math, math, math, math, math. Whatever. I respect math. Without math, there'd be no particle physics, sports stats, or sudoku, and it would be hard to figure out if you'd received the correct change. But let's not overdo it. First, math isn't tangible, so we can't know for sure if it even exists. Second, it's confusing, and anything confusing is probably a government conspiracy.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    What really happened in Canada...

    Many of you may have read the story about how Ian Brodie, chief of staff to the Canadian Prime Minister said that a Clinton representative had downplayed Hillary's Nafta comments to the Canadian embassy: "He said someone from (Hillary) Clinton's campaign is telling the embassy to take it with a grain of salt. . . That someone called us and told us not to worry."


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