Book of the Month

The Decider's picture

Rick Perry WILL Be Our Rainmaker!

by The Decider 8/8/2011 - 4:36 pm

http://newamericatoday.com/na/rick-perry-bush.jpg

I bring GOOD NEWS! And I thought you libbies from the democrat party might like to hear it before the official announcement next Saturday. My good buddy and Vice Governor, Rick Perry, will be our next President! You can stick a fork in Obama cause he is done. Just today, he was announcing that he agrees with Leon Pinata that we need to cut Medicare instead of Defense. He thinks that this will make him popular with conservatives but he's got another think coming. Conservatives wouldn't even like him if he wore a Bush mask (and I understand that he's thought about it).

But I have been reading a lot on this sight of the fear you guys feel about slashing up the Federal Government and such. Be reassured that it is only talk. When Rick gets into the White House, he can increase defense spending, fight against that Hugo guy in Venzuala that I never got around to, add some new benefits to help our struggling corporations, etc. We like Government when we are in charge and don't like it when democrats are in charge. Why is that so hard to understand?

Now, I know that Rick has tried to distance himself from me, but the truth is that we are still best buds. He is a washed in the blood believer of Jesus, just like me, and believes that we should do the things that are in the Bible, such as killing witches, sodomites, and Babylonians (never could find 'em or I'da invaded 'em). He is against tax collectors just like Peter was and will try to convert them. He will return the Texas way of thinking to the White House where it belongs.

When you read the BS (the FCC won't let me write that anymore but you know that when I type BS I mean the stuff that comes out of the back end of the cow) about Rick not being so smart in his studies, please remember that he went to Texas A&M, which is one of the hardest schools in America, and that he passed. Besides, booklearning is way overrated. Street smarts is what counts. Also, he is not gay. That rumor only started because he was a cheerleader but A&M used to only have male students so it is tradition to have guys cheerlead there.

I have been so worried about all of the Mormons, and tea-partiers, and Yankees like Palenta who are only pretend conservatives. Now I can relax. America will be safe again!!

  • Share this
  • Add new comment
  • 456 reads

This gets a AAA rating from me! Hahahahahahaha! I needed a good laugh today, thanks for giving it to me!

by stillidealistic 8/8/2011 - 5:11 pm

He is always good.

Remember when I would secret correspondence from him. hahahaha

The Decider rocks! ha

by Richard Day 8/8/2011 - 6:05 pm (re: stillidealistic)

We're still burying troops from your wars Decider, and paying for your economic collapse, so maybe we ain't ready for another lyin ass Bible thumpin' illiterate chickenshit governor from Texas, let that Black fella clean up your mess first......

by NCD 8/8/2011 - 5:47 pm

announcing that he agrees with Leon Pinata that we need to cut Medicare instead of Defense.

Using your method of interpretation, we can also say

Obama vows no more cuts in domestic spending while increasing taxes on the rich!

What Obama actually said:

"Our challenge is the need to tackle our deficits over the long term last week we reached an historic agreement -- reached an agreement that weill make historic cuts to defense and domestic spending," Obama said. "But there's not much further that we can cut in either of those categories. What we need to do now is combine those spending cuts with two additional steps: tax reform that will ask those who can afford it to pay their fair share and modest adjustments to health care programs like Medicare."

by Another Trope 8/8/2011 - 6:08 pm

Read em and weep, buddy!

Obama sides with...

by The Decider 8/8/2011 - 6:27 pm (re: Another Trope)

Where do you think I got the quote, buddy.  The difference is that I looked at what Obama actually said and rather than let the people over at TPM do my thinking for me.  Obama is offering one thing the left wants (tax the rich) and one thing the right wants (reform of entitlements).  By doing so he saves domestic spending, what the left wants, and defense spending, what the right wants. 

The main point is that he said that both defense and domestic spending couldn't take any more hits, yet all you mention is the defense spending.  To do this he offers tax increases and entitlement reform, and all you mention is the entitlement reform.

by Another Trope 8/8/2011 - 6:54 pm (re: The Decider)

Nobody but nerds reads the story, buddy. It's the headlines that count.

by The Decider 8/8/2011 - 7:01 pm (re: Another Trope)

I imagine you must be tons of fun at parties.

Now for the $64,000 question: why would anyone bother looking at what Obama actually said? The only thing certain when Obama says something is that something other than what he says he believes in will end up happening in the end. At that point his supporters will undoubtedly pretend as if he clearly didn't mean whatever it is he said to be taken literally and, of course, everyone was stupid for not realizing it at the time. Besides. George W. Bush.

In order to argue to the import of someone's words, that person must have credibility that they will follow through with what they say. Obama has no such credibility. And, equally important, his supporters have no credibility that they care one way or the other. When Solomon holds up the baby, best I can tell, they scream out "Chop the fucker! And toss that bitch on the BBQ! Just don't let anyone else have it!"

But, really, kind of weighty stuff for a satire thread, no? You *do* know how this Decider character works, right?

by Lazy KGB (not verified) 8/10/2011 - 2:56 am (re: Another Trope)

So you think we ought to make sure that anyone that becomes president should at least get a D in economics in college like Perry did.  Is that what you got?  I got the impression that you never took economics.  I don't know if they offered economics back in McCain's day....

by synchronicity 8/9/2011 - 2:32 pm

Obviously, few people understand your pure genius, sir.  I think if the Rickster can get Turdblossom to come on board and pick a running mate like Liz "BabyDick" Cheney, he could walk into the White Castle the day after the election and no one would stop him.  He could put up a big tent on the front lawn and invite the "Have Mores" and that crew from C Street to a weekly prayer meeting.  Then let some serious ass kicking commence.  I'm starting to hear the banjos.  YeeeeeeHaw!!!

by TJ 8/9/2011 - 8:01 pm

Latest Comments

more