Sources tell me that Charlie Rose has agreed to moderate the upcoming Republican New Hampshire debate on the condition that the decorum of both candidates and audience can be upgraded to New England standards. While New England Republicans are fine with such language as "laying the wood to Obama" and "taking a baseball bat" to a woman legislator in New Jersey they flinch at things like booing the troops and clapping at executions, as unfortunately occurred in the Simi Valley and Orlando debates. In sympathy with the goal of higher level discourse, the Manchester Union Leader is said to be withholding a story that Romney muttered a phrase that sounded like "Frigging Canucks" when he was detained at the Canadian border for strapping a large dog to the top of his family car.

In order to raise the debate bar and minimize knee-jerk reactions, Charlie Rose has published his list of questions ahead of time. But to make sure the candidates actually prepare for the debate, questions will be assigned only at the last minute to candidates of Matthew Dowd's choosing. The questions have been geared to an audience of conservative, taciturn and frugal New Englanders and vacationing hedge fund managers.

1. Sir, on your exciting $9.99 plan--what toppings come with that?

2. About the use of American troops to invade Mexico, wouldn't drones be less expensive?

3. According to your recent studies with a Supreme Court Justice, is it constitutional to proselytize foster children in your care?

4. With 100% name recognition in the Republican party, does it puzzle you that--outside of New Hampshire where you vacation and Michigan where your father ran a car company and was Governor--the best you can do in the polls is 24%?

5. If you had been President during the Terry Shiavo private family matter would you have authorized the use of the Federal Bureau of Investigation to intervene rather than just the Florida state police which Jeb Bush proposed.

6. Do you think,sir, that you simply look too shop-worn for anyone to care any longer?

7. Sir, do you think it's consistent with the code of "male bonding" to turn on the male friend who gave you the only real credential you have in running for President?

8. A lot of guys up here in New Hampshire want to know if the "Chicken Ranch" in your district is still in business? If it is can you jot down the address for me after the debate.

9. Do you know that up here in New Hampshire the term "shovel ready" refers to the wife who throws wood stove ashes down on the ice in the front yard as her old man guns the used pickup out onto the dirt road to go to work at the mill? Why were you so quick to denigrate honest labor?

Memo to Charlie Rose: Please give Matthew Dowd a slight kick in the groin if he again conflates "passionate" with "electable" in the absence of even the vaguest reference to a candidate's ideology, or for that matter, character.

We anticipate a factual and penetrating debate in New Hampshire. And if Chris Christie does come into the race (BTW please tell your colleague Tom Keane not to salivate into his microphone) we look forward to receiving an additional debate question.