William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Got Torts? William K. Wolfrum’s Tort Reformation is here to help

    Do you have Torts? Do you wake up each morning to see a Tort-infested life that is destroying everything you hold dear?

    If that’s the case, then William K. Wolfrum’s Tort Reformation* is here for you.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Tiger Woods dropped by Gatorade - blogger's funniest post ever now moot

    It is with great sadness that I announce that Gatorade has dropped Tiger Woods as a sponsor. No, it wasn't because they finally realized that golfers don't actually need electrolytes, it's far more nefarious than that. They dropped Tiger because he was doing the only thing that really required Gatorade - having sex with dozens and dozens of women not named Mrs. Woods.

    Doctor Cleveland's picture

    Against the Crocodile: Amy Bishop, Joseph Stack, and the Press

    Reading some of the news coverage about the murderers Amy Bishop and Joe Stack over the last two weeks, and some of the responses to them by internet commenters, I've had the nauseating feeling that Bishop and Stack have gotten what they want. Not what they purport to want, of course, not a promotion or a revolution, but the things that their violence was actually aimed at getting them. I've had a hard time putting my objection into clear words, so I'm going to resort to a story from history:

    acanuck's picture

    The Decline, Fall, Plunge and Demise of Journalism

    If you go to the Drudge Report right now, you'll see the teaser:

    PAPER: Soros 'at center of hedge funds plot to cash in on demise of the euro'...

    If you click on the link, you'll see the Mail Online headline:

    Man who broke the Bank of England, George Soros, 'at centre of hedge funds plot to cash in on fall of the euro'

    If you read the lead paragraph, you'll see:

    A secretive group of Wall Street hedge fund bosses are said to be behind a plot to cash in on the decline of the euro.

    Doctor Cleveland's picture

    Bipartisanship as Theater

    So President Obama's health care summit didn't go anywhere it wasn't expected to go. The Democrats made noises about bipartisan compromise and asked for Republican input. The Republicans demanded the whole bill (or more accurately both the bills) be scrapped entirely. The Democrats got no concessions. No reasonable person would have expected anything else at this point. And Barack Obama, who is a fairly reasonable person, must have expected to play out much the way it did.

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    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Why Do Liberals Hate Beauty Queens?

    What is the most persecuted demographic in the nation? It's not the blacks, the Jews, or the Hispanics, and certainly not the gays. One victim stands out in the gruesome annals of discrimination: the Beauty Queen.

    The latest sacrifice to the bottomless hunger of the gay liberal hate monster is Miss Beverly Hills, Lauren Ashley. Ashley simply quoted an innocent line from the Bible:

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    God speaks: "Beauty Pageant Contestants are going to Hell"

    HEAVEN – God, the all-powerful entity that controls all things on the planet, spoke to his people today for the first time in hundreds of years. Using the voice of actor Dennis Haysbert so that he wouldn’t shatter the eardrums and souls of ordinary humans, God was swift and to the point.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Breaking: Obama, Democrats vow to keep negotiating with brick wall

    WASHINGTON – Despite hours of negotiations, President Barack Obama and Congressional Democrats were unable to move a brick wall in the center of the White House.

    “This wall is weighing down the entire nation, but it just won’t listen to reason,” said Obama at a special press conference. “But I’m dedicated to offering it more leverage in these negotiations.”

    MJS's picture

    Once More Unto the Breach, Dear Friends

    The layman definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results.

    That mentality, incidentally, also appears to be the cornerstone of Republican politics. We have seen it many times before: start a war or two, give tax cuts to the rich, and expect the national debt to decrease. If at first you don't succeed...

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    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Jersey Shore 2 cast announced: John Boehner is ‘The Situation’

    JERSEY – MTV has announced a new cast for its hit show “Jersey Shore.” After seeing a group of unknown Italian Americans take the nation by storm and put “Guido and Guidette” into popular culture, this season, some of America’s top Conservatives will have everyone talking about “Cons and Conettes.”

    Jersey shore

    Doctor Cleveland's picture

    Andrew Joseph Stack: Pauper with a Private Plane

    So, Andrew Joseph Stack was angry at the IRS for his financial problems. So he got in his plane....

    Stop. Stop it. Stop right there.

    Do people in the media ever listen to themselves?

    We have a person who, aside from being a murderer, feels he's being unjustly treated by the taxman. And that person, who considers his woes so unbearable that he's willing to take human life, has at least one personal aircraft. I know what you're thinking: The poor man. It's like something out of Steinbeck.

    Doctor Cleveland's picture

    Amy Bishop, Collegiality, and Debates About Tenure

    Amy Bishop's murder of three colleagues, and attempt to murder three others, looks to be even less about tenure than I originally claimed ... but it's still university tenure that people want to talk about. It's become clear that Bishop would eventually have been fired under almost any conceivable system of review, and that Bishop would almost undoubtedly have responded violently to some other setback sooner or later.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Bring back slavery (or build more prisons)

    While the U.S. economy continues to operate, the unemployment situation in the nation is still a giant area of concern. When unemployment hits 10 percent, economic heads explode. When it stays that way, it could be disastrous.

    So while the recently passed “Jobs Bill” may seem like a nice addition to the battle for employment, U.S. politicos have yet to propose the only plan that could conceivably put the U.S. back on top.

    It’s time to bring back slavery.

    acanuck's picture

    Olympic update: gut-check time

    I'm not one of those who see the glass as seven-eighths empty. I see it, rather, as one-eighth full. So I'm not crying in my crisp, refreshing Canadian beer over last night's 5-3 loss to the United States in Olympic hockey.

    No, there is an upside: Canada won't have to face Russia or Sweden in the gold-medal game next weekend. The downside is that we will have to beat both those powerhouse teams one-on-one to get within even sniffing distance of the podium. Assuming we can first dispatch Germany tomorrow night.

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    Nebton's picture

    Giving Mega Shark his due

    Recently, it came to my attention that a fellow nerd has gone to the trouble of calculating some statistics behind MegaShark's dramatically captured attack on an airplane. Here's a small version of his info-graphic (I encourage you to visit the blog itself as it has additional details):

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Abraham Lincoln attacks street performer that mocked his family

    WASHINGTON – Speaking in front of thousands of supporters, President Abraham Lincoln today took time off his efforts to re-unite the nation, end the Civil War and slavery to berate a street performer that made off-color jokes about his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln.

    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    U.S. must racially profile old white guys that hate taxes like Joe Stack - it's a matter of survival

    My friends, we live in a dangerous time of social and cultural revolution. And those revolutions have turned political, meaning the very fate of the United States is in the balance.

    Doctor Cleveland's picture

    My Favorite Al Haig Story

    My mother met Al Haig back in 1988, when he was under the impression that he was running for President. (Long before I was Doctor Cleveland I was the Granite State Kid, and in New Hampshire you can personally meet all the candidates, even the ones that other people won't remember were in the primaries.) Mom actually met nearly every primary candidate that year, Democratic and Republican, in a series of events sponsored by a local newspaper.

    acanuck's picture

    Big Olympic scandal: bogus flags on display!

    The Vancouver Olympic organizing committee has gotten a lot of unfair criticism, so I hate to pile on.
    But I've watched quite a few medal presentation ceremonies over the past few days, and I'm now fairly positive: that is not Canada's flag on display.
    Ours is a red maple leaf on a white central square, with two red bands half as wide on either side. Its proportions are therefore 1:2.
    All the flags I see raised at the medal ceremonies appear to be 2:3. And I'm making allowances for camera angles.

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    William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Andrew Joseph Stack is NOT like an evil Islamic terrorist!

    Recently, the name of a great American has been dragged through the mud. I speak of 53-year-old Andrew Joseph Stack, a man who loved his country so much, that he martyred himself to avoid paying taxes to it.

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