More Than Fifty States?

    By ocean-kat on Thu, 11/07/2013 - 12:45am |

    As I'm sure everyone knows five Colorado counties have voted to secede from the state of Colorado. We're about to see a 51st state! Its a logical reaction to the partisan split that's overtaking the country. But its not as simple as it sounds.

    While 4 of the counties are happy to join together in the state of North Colorado residents of Putnam County have no interest in being a part of this new state. Jake Evans, leader of the secession movement in Putnam County had this to say, "Sure we want to leave Colorado. They are nothing but a bunch of commie socialists taking orders from that Muslim from Kenya. But that doesn't mean we want to join up with those RINOs in North Colorado. We'll form our own state, the 52nd state of Northern Eastern Colorado."

    This doesn't sit well with Putnam resident Sam McBride. "Evans is a tea party nut case" he said. "Of course I voted to secede, but I'm a libertarian and I have nothing in common with tea party idiots. We took a vote, my mom, who lives next door, my wife and I.We unanimously voted to secede from Northern Eastern Colorado and form our own state of McBrideland, encompassing our two houses and the surrounding 17 and a half acres"

    All is not peaceful in the McBride household though. 16 year old daughter, Sheri, is not happy. "Do I want to live in McBrideland? Hell NO." She added, "He's not a libertarian, he's a Nazi. No TV until I finish my homework. I feel like I'm in one of Mao's re-education camps. Do the dishes! Clean your room! I might as well be living in a prison work camp in North Korea. I've been telling myself, just two more years and I'm out of here. But now, I'll just vote myself a new state when I'm 18. Sheri'sroomshire. I thought I'd study Political Science or Environmentalism but why waste time with college. Think of all the good I can do when I vote myself into the US senate. I'm pretty excited."

    How many states in the union when this all gets sorted out?  No one knows. But clearly secession is the only sensible way to sort out our political differences in our current partisan nation.

     

    Comments

    I like the way these kids make fun of the adults.  Do you think there is something the Kock bros. put in those counties water?  


    by trkingmomoe on Thu, 11/07/2013 - 5:27am

    The only two secessionist arguments that ever made sense to me were for New York City and Nantucket.  Even though North Colorado also begins with an "N", it is NOT an island and the folks pushing secession there seem to have that bunker mentality that says, "If we don't get our way on everything, we're going to hold our breath, stomp around the room and then take our ball and go home," 

    Next thing you know, the protesters will be waving placards calling for the death of E Pluribus Unum. 


    by MrSmith1 on Thu, 11/07/2013 - 8:23am

    "If we don't get our way on everything, we're going to hold our breath, stomp around the room and then take our ball and go home,"

    Wow, how embarrassing. I spend all this time writing a blog touting secession as the only sensible way to sort out our differences and in two minutes you totally devastate my blog with this brilliant idea.

    I'm man enough to admit I'm wrong. Your plan to hold our breath and stomp around the room would likely be just as effective as secession for people who lose the vote. It has the added advantage of being tested in real world conditions by numerous three year olds in all fifty states.

    Great idea! Brilliant plan! I intend to try this the next time the candidate I vote for loses.


    by ocean-kat on Thu, 11/07/2013 - 2:07pm

    Sarcasm becomes you.  :-)

     

     


    by MrSmith1 on Thu, 11/07/2013 - 2:38pm

    This was a fun read. Thanks.

    It piqued my curiosity and I found this: 

    List of U.S. state partition proposals - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    I did not check to be sure but it looks like every state has or has had one at some point in time, some more successful than others, e.g., Dade County seceded from Georgia and the Union in 1860 and was not formally readmitted until 1945. cheeky

    The one for Illinois separating from Chicago makes some sense. It, like other cities so large and distinct from the remainder of their states' economies, are effectively separate anyway. Maybe we should recognize the city/states of Chicago, New York, and Los Angeles. Maybe even Atlanta. 

     


    by EmmaZahn on Thu, 11/07/2013 - 11:31am

    The New York City secession movement gained popularity in 1969 when it was the focus of the Norman Mailer / Jimmy Breslin campaign for Mayor / City Council President.  It still makes sense to me. 

     

    And for more on the Nantucket / Martha's Vineyard secession.

     


    by MrSmith1 on Thu, 11/07/2013 - 1:00pm

    Ah yes, the "No More Bullshit" ticket.  What an opportunity for good government was wasted by the feckless NYC electorate--IIRC, they picked Wagner over Norman Mailer--good grief!


    by jollyroger on Thu, 11/07/2013 - 2:23pm

     the "No More Bullshit" theme was also used by Oklahoma Senator Fred Harris' short Presidential campaign. (I still have a campaign button somewhere.)  

    I think Wikipedia has it wrong about the race in 1969.  It was John Lindsay's re-election campaign not Robert Wagner.  Wagner was gone in 1965 and Lindsay lost the Democratic nomination for re-election that year and ran as an independent and won. 


    by MrSmith1 on Thu, 11/07/2013 - 2:37pm

    This is so funny kat. Nice one, but now I want my own state, I just haven't figured out what to call it yet.


    by tmccarthy0 on Fri, 11/08/2013 - 8:00am

    Thanks to everyone who thought my satire funny. Secession is one of those issues that really piss me off. Some have suggested it may make sense as a local issue but its effect on the national level makes it a nonstarter for me. Colorado already gets 2 senators for its 5 million people while California has 36 million. And a bunch of loser republicans want 2 more? My answer is no, no, no. When California gets 14 senators maybe we can talk. But the first thing I'd want to talk about then is Wyoming's 2 senators and its population of only 500 thousand.

    http://robertdfeinman.com/society/senate_vs_population.html


    by ocean-kat on Fri, 11/08/2013 - 2:47pm

    Well, if we allow each city with a population of over 1 million to secede from it, then that might help, even if means that (the now rural) California becomes Republican.


    by Verified Atheist on Fri, 11/08/2013 - 3:35pm

    There are at least 30 metropolitan areas with over 1 million but not that many cities alone do. Some of the metro areas even cross state lines: New York, Chicago, Washington DC even Kansas City. California has four; Texas and Florida, three each. The smallest, San Antonio, has more population than the 14 smallest states.

    Sure, why not let them have their own ambassador at court senator.

     


    by EmmaZahn on Fri, 11/08/2013 - 6:38pm

    You're assuming that all the seceding states want to remain part of the United States and not become their own separate Republics, right?  Separate countries would make the senator problem moot, but, of course, would bring up the question of whether or not they could qualify for foreign aid.  :-)


    by MrSmith1 on Fri, 11/08/2013 - 4:53pm

    You are exactly correct, which is what makes our system in some ways so undemocratic. Wyoming, Montana the Dakotas, Alaska, in the Senate have far more power than their populations ought to have. I also agree with your take on secession. Your satire was spot on, and describes those people to a T. I even posted it on my facebook page, cause I LOLOLOL'd when I read it. And yah, when California gets 14  Senators, then maybe we can actually get some stuff done that is actually good for the country.


    by tmccarthy0 on Fri, 11/08/2013 - 5:35pm

    Yes, and 14 senators is just parity with Colorado. For California to get parity with Wyoming it would get 144 senators. There are some large population conservative states like Texas that would lessen the effect of California. But over all our current system makes the senate somewhat more republican than it would be and decidedly more conservative.


    by ocean-kat on Fri, 11/08/2013 - 9:34pm

    Ran across this today:


    by Donal on Fri, 11/08/2013 - 2:55pm

    I notice on that map that Luzerne County is included with Lackawanna County in Pennsylvania, as part of Yankeedom. (It's the piece in the NE that sort of drops below jutting out along the southern line of Yankeedom.)

    I would like to protest that, as I would like a border drawn separating Luzerne County from where I live. 

    Luzerne County PA is kind of like it's own little island that would make more sense if it was on another continent.

    Look the place up & you'll see what I mean.  ;o)


    by watermelonpunch on Mon, 11/11/2013 - 11:51pm

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