The Bishop and the Butterfly: Murder, Politics, and the End of the Jazz Age
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    Paul Ryan chokes 85-year-old Grandmother to death - hailed for his bravery

    WASHINGTON, D.C. – Using his bare hands, Republican Rep. Paul Ryan choked an 85-year-old woman to death last night, earning praise for his “serious” attempt to balance the United States Federal Budget.

    The woman – Susan Johnson, the mother of five and a grandmother of 14 – had been using federal money to treat the leukemia that is currently killing her. Showing his no-nonsense, come-and-go fiscal conservative side, Ryan drove to Mrs. Johnson’s house, rang the bell, then choked the life out of her when she answered the door.

    “Here is a woman that is dying, who is using federal money rather than pulling herself up by her bootstraps and taking care of herself,” said Ryan, who believes that budget surpluses are a dangerous thing. “It was time for her to make a sacrifice for this nation.”

    The mainstream media and Ryan’s political allies praised the young Representative’s gumption and dedication to fixing the U.S. debt problems.

    “This murder sets the standard of seriousness for anybody who wants to play in this discussion,” wrote New York Times columnist David Brooks, who is extremely rich. “Unless we are serious enough to murder grandmothers, we will fail as a nation.”

    For their part, congressional Democrats produced a new bill that would “Make it a crime for politicians to murder poor elderly women.” Republicans, however, held up the bill by attaching an amendment to it that would make it illegal for citizens to receive federal or state support for anything, ever.

    Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank mocked the Democratic efforts to stop Ryan from murdering anymore elderly grandmothers.

    “It gives a sense of how things would be if liberals ran the world: no cuts in Social Security benefits, government-negotiated Medicare drug prices, and increased income taxes and Social Security taxes for the wealthy. Corporations and investors would be hit with a variety of new fees and taxes. And the military would face a shock-and-awe accounting: a 22 percent cut in Army forces, 30 percent for Marines, 20 percent for the Navy and 15 percent for the Air Force. The wars in Iraq and Afghanistan would end, and weapons programs would go begging,” wrote Milbank, a liberal. “And no one would be brave enough to murder a Medicare queen like Susan Johnson.”

    Following the murder of the elderly grandmother, the Conservative think tank The Heritage Foundation released a new report stating that the murder of Johnson should help get unemployment in the U.S. down to .3 percent by late 2012.


    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles


    Damn; I wouldda lent him my mother-in-law if he'd only asked...

    This story would be funny if it weren't so close to the true Paul Ryan. Ryan is cheap, stingy and short-sigh­ted. He's a young man who hasn't yet suffered the ravages of age so in his mind "who needs medicare, medicaid and social security?" WE DO!!! I'm 61 years old and I'm not so steady on my feet anymore and there is no insurance company out there who would give me health insurance even with the republican "vouchers"­. The republican­s will hand out these vouchers just to get seniors off their backs, the seniors will run the vouchers down very quickly and then we will be forced onto welfare. Republican­s are unbelievab­ly cheap and stupid, when will America wise up to the fact that the republican­s represent only the rich and super-rich­? Tax the rich or send them to the guillotine!!   Mark Montgomery NYC, NY 

    Guillotine them, then tax their estates! Spare them the prolonged pain of having marginally less money.

    God job, Congressman Ryan. Here's what the New York Times won' t tell you:

    Most of these so-called "retired" "senior citizens" don't work for a living. They don't even have a job!

    How long are we going to let these freeloaders hog all the oxygen? That's right, some of these "retirees" actually get their oxygen in bottles so they don't have to work so hard inhaling! How lazy can you get?

    Breathing bottled oxygen when the rest of us get by with good old-fashioned tap oxygen! Shameless and shameful!

    You have taken this entire incident out of context!

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