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    Man, 42, heartbroken as duck won’t give answer to marriage proposal

    For several years, Tim Johnson and his duck Miriam cohabitated peacefully. This Valentine’s Day, however, Johnson decided it was time to take the next step.

    “We’ve been together so long that I knew it was now or never,” said Johnson.

    So Johnson went out and purchased a $1,500 ring from Zales, went home, knelt before his duck and proposed marriage. Sadly, his proposal was met with indifference.

    “Miriam just ignored my proposal altogether,” said Johnson, 42. “It’s like she just didn’t care. She just wanted more bread crumbs, like usual.”

    Being that the duck refused to give her consent to the marriage – and may, in fact, be underaged depending on Duck-to-Human age ratios – Johnson’s wedding plans will now be put on hold until Miriam can either speak, or sign her name to a marriage consent form. For Johnson, however, the disappointment has changed the relationship.

    “I really thought we had something,” said Johnson. “But, you know, if she won’t even answer my proposal, maybe it’s time to trade in the ring for some sweet and sour sauce.”

    Miriam the Duck was unable to comprehend the request to be interviewed for this story, and thus had no comment.


    Originally posted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles


    If he'd just asked his Canada goose, things would be so different now.

    Tim Johnson is dead.

    Which makes this guy a fucking imposter. No way the Tim Johnson I know would try to marry a goddamn duck. Dude had standards.

    Mammal or bust.

    He truly was one-of-a-kind.

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