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Hits of the Day
Whup-ass: a question
by acanuck 4/29/2009 - 6:45 pm
Something's been bugging me lately. It's this:
Why does whup-ass only come in those huge cans? I understand that's it's more economical, but it's also really wasteful. And probably leaves a big carbon footprint. Why hasn't somebody come up with the idea of selling mini-portions? Or at least quart-size containers?
But no. If you listen to the ads, you're encouraged every damn time to open up a brand-new huge can of whup-ass. Like you, the back of my fridge is stuffed with jars of the leftover stuff. It's not like it ever goes bad, right?
Just another sign of the overconsumption we've allowed Madison Ave. to foist upon us. It makes me so mad, I want to ... no, wait, I see what they're doing. They almost had me again.
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In the News
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Conversations with suicide bombers
By Elizabeth Weingarten, ForeignPolicy.com, May 23, 2012
It was 2009 in Peshawar, Pakistan, and Mossarat Qadeem was sitting on the floor of a house with about a dozen young Pakistani men -- some of whom had nearly become suicide bombers. Qadeem's goal: to undo the destructive brainwashing of the al-Qaeda and Taliban teachers who trained them in extremism, in part by asking the students to narrate their life stories.
"We were handling one of the boys, and he just came, put his head here in my lap, and he started crying and weeping," Qadeem recalls. "I was taken aback. It is very unnatural in my country that a man that tall can just sit at your feet and put his head here. [The other men] were all crying with him, and I was looking at him, and thinking, ‘my God.'"
All in a day's work for Qadeem. She's the national coordinator of Aman-o-Nisa, a coalition of Pakistani women that convened in October 2011 to combat violent extremism in Pakistan at the grassroots level. [....]
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For Native American Women, Scourge of Rape, Rare Justice
The issue of sexual assaults on American Indian women has become one of the major sources of discord in the current debate between the White House and the House of Representatives over the latest reauthorization of the landmark Violence Against Women Act of 1994.
.......
“We should never have a woman come into the office saying, ‘I need to learn more about Plan B for when my daughter gets raped,’ ” said Charon Asetoyer, a women’s health advocate on the Yankton Sioux Reservation in South Dakota, referring to the morning-after pill. “That’s what’s so frightening — that it’s more expected than unexpected. It has become a norm for young women.”
The difficulties facing American Indian women who have been raped are myriad, and include a shortage of sexual assault kits at Indian Health Service hospitals, where there is also a lack of access to birth control and sexually transmitted disease testing. There are also too few nurses trained to perform rape examinations, which are generally necessary to bring cases to trial.
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Doctor Who Helped Find Bin Laden Given Jail Term (for...
By Ismail Kahn, New York Times, May 23/24, 2012
PESHAWAR, Pakistan — A Pakistani doctor who helped the Central Intelligence Agency pin down Osama bin Laden's location under cover of a vaccination drive was convicted on Wednesday of treason and sentenced to 33 years in prison, a senior official in Pakistan said.
A tribal court here in northwestern Pakistan found the doctor, Shakil Afridi, guilty of acting against the state, said Mutahir Zeb Khan, the administrator for the Khyber tribal region [....]
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Russia lawmakers advance bill on penalties for protesters
By Sergei L. Loiko, Los Angeles Times, May 23, 2012
MOSCOW — Stiff new penalties aimed at opposition protesters were given preliminary approval Tuesday by Russian lawmakers loyal to President Vladimir Putin, the target of mass rallies and demonstrations before his March election victory.
The bill, which opposition parliament members termed draconian and protested by threatening to file out of a legislative session, calls for fines of up to $50,000 and up to 200 hours of community service for organizers of rallies and demonstrations that grow violent or exceed the approved number of participants.
The sanctions were approved on first reading by parliament's lower house, which is controlled by Putin's United Russia party. They mark a return by the Kremlin to a tough stance against critics after concessions during the recent election campaign [...]
Also see:
Russians back Putin, strong leadership
Washington Post, May 22, 2012A Pew survey of 1,000 Russians found that President Vladimir Putin is well-liked by more than 70 percent of citizens, especially older adults.
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In Cuba, Mystery Shrouds the Fate of an Undersea Internet...
Associated Press, May 21, 2012
HAVANA — It was all sunshine, smiles and celebratory speeches as officials marked the arrival of an undersea fiber-optic cable they promised would end Cuba's Internet isolation and boost web capacity 3,000-fold. Even a retired Fidel Castro had hailed the dawn of a new cyber-age on the island.
More than a year after the February 2011 ceremony on Siboney Beach in eastern Cuba, and 10 months after the system was supposed to have gone online, the government never mentions the cable anymore, and Internet here remains the slowest in the hemisphere. People talk quietly about embezzlement torpedoing the project and the arrest of more than a half-dozen senior telecom officials.
Perhaps most maddening, nobody has explained what happened to the much-ballyhooed $70 million project....
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Re-heating your leftover whup-ass just doesn't have the same ring to it.
"I'm going to re-heat the leftover can of whup-ass that I economically apportioned on a previous occasion, which I can assure you was most fierce indeed. Hey, did you turn off the lights in the other room? No one's even in there right now."
I would think getting slapped around with a cold slab of left-over whoop-ass would be much more demeaning.
Not even worth a whole new can of whoop-ass? Ouch.
For me one can of whup-ass isn't enough, but two would be overkill. That's why I prefer the can of whup-ass with a side of sassy headwaggle.
That sassy headwaggle is a fine finish to a good whup ass.
Arms akimbo!
Ha! My grandma used to tell me to take my hands from akimbo all the time. Love that word.
Do you know where whup-ass comes from? They milk it from goats that spend their lives cooped up in a pens smaller than manhattan apartments. It's inhuman. That's why I only buy organic, free-range whup-ass from local farms in the Bronx. The organic stuff whups better too.
So regular whup-ass is not only wasteful but also cruel to animals? I never suspected. Thanks for the heads-up, Genghis.
I headed out first thing today to look for an eco-friendly alternative, and may have found just the thing at my local supermarket. It comes in handy 7-ounce aerosol cans, so you use as little or as much as you need. It's all-natural (except for the nitrous oxide propellant), untested on animals, and -- as a bonus -- low in calories. Something called Reddi-whup.
The container doesn't mention its use for ass-whupping, but the girl at the counter assured me that, yes, it can be applied to the ass -- and numerous other body parts she listed -- with highly satisfactory results. Can't wait to try it.
Hey, where's Deadman? He should check this stuff out.