There's nothing wrong with Roland Burris and there's nothing wrong with the appointment

-- Roland Burris [Read more]

First let me start off by saying that this isn't a particularly easy post for me to write. It'd be an honor to delight you all with a long diatribe about the Jets annual implosion, but that would conflict with one of the great joys of being their fan. That of course is the joy of pocketing all the rage and torment into the pit of my stomach and then watching it explode at the most inopportune times like a bootleg 8th century jack-in-the-box. Like that time a few years back after Doug Brien missed two field goals in the last two minutes against the Steelers and I had to be escorted out of a Dunkin Donuts after receiving 27 cents of change in the form of three nickels, a dime and two pennies. What can I say, I like quarters.
 [Read more]

The following list of ten defense strategies may or may not have been found near a trash bin outside Rod Blagojevich's home, and may or may not be a list of ten things he thought of to defend himself and to discuss with his lawyer, Ed Genson.

My Top Ten Secret Legal Strategies, by Rod Blagojevich

10.  That Was Illegal? No shit. [Read more]

Ok, so 2008 won't go down as one of the best years in recent memory. We've had a financial collapse of historic proportions, a housing meltdown, a credit crunch, a $50 billion investment scam, a failing U.S. auto industry, dramatic oil and food price shocks, deadly terror in India, continued mayhem in Iraq and Afghanistan, genocide in Africa, voter turnout scandals, Sarah Palin and Rod Blagojevich, and to cap it off, a re-emergence of violence in one of the most intractable conflicts of all-time (Congrats, Israelis and Palestinians, for once again proving how stupidity and inhumanity know no borders!) [Read more]

Don't spend begin the new year without a resolution! At Premium Resolutions, Inc., we supply the finest New Year's resolutions for every situation. Visit us on EBay today! Here are a few samples of our offerings:

For elite anti-pirate officers of the Indian navy:
I resolve not to sink any Thai fishing boats.
Buy Now: $3.99

For Thai fisherman:
I resolve to avoid the Indian navy.
Buy Now: $4.99

For Britney, Paris, and Lindsay:
I resolve to wear panties to public events.
Buy Now: $69.99 [Read more]

There are those who mistakenly think the Prius is a car -- a tool to get you from one place to another.  Others think of it as a tool to improve energy conservation.  Whatever.  I am here to tell you that in the hands of a true connoisseur, it is so much more than either of those two things:  it is a game, on which you can get a really, really high score. [Read more]

It's that time of year again. Resolution time. We're all supposed to come up with some great goals for 2009. But worthwhile goals aren't easy to come by. Sure, you could promise to quit smoking or abusing pigeons or getting naked in public or whatever boring resolution you make every year and violate three days later, but you've been there and done that. At dagblog, we're committed to helping our readers experience fulfilling and innovative New Year's resolutions. That's why we've developed our patent-pending New Year's Resolution Generator™. Just fill in the easy-to-fill-in form, press the button, and voila--instant resolution gratification.

We hope that you find our service helpful. Please feel free to share the results of your resolutions in the comments section. [Read more]

Questions: The Happy Holidays Edition

1) Christmas Songs

2) Christmas Lights

3) Best gift

4) Come, Sit on My Lap

5) No, really, come sit on my lap

6) The Ball or The Parade

7) New Year's Resolution

8) Prediction Time

And because I'm out of holiday questions, a couple lingering non-thematic questions

9) Tipping

10) Pigeons

I'm keeping this one short but My One Favorite Thing this week is Weather.com's short-term forecasting, offered in hourly and even fifteen-minute intervals. (Here's an example for New York, NY)

OK, this MOFT may not seem as life-changing as great-tasting, sugar-free, crystal-meth-like gum (oh be quiet, Orlando, you know you're still jonesing for your next pack), but these short-term forecasts are stupid awesome for a couple of reasons.

1) The short-term forecasts are eerily accurate.  [Read more]

Or something like that.  At least that seems like it might the underlying philosophy behind Thank You for Throwing Your Shoe, where you can find pictures of people holding up their shoes in support of Muntadhar al-Zaidi.  It's definitely a mark of the Internet age and makes for a fun visual statement.

And here's the inevitable Bush-Austin Powers mashup: [Read more]

1. Honestly the most impressed I've ever been with Bush

2. You heard it here first: Obama's toast in Presidential dodgeball

3. "Mr. President I'd take a bullet for you...a shoe?...not so much"

4. "That really hurt! I'm gonna have a lump there, you idiot! Who
throws a shoe? Honestly! You fight like a woman!" [Read more]

You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Conspiracy Zone!


Conspiracy #1
Detroit is preparing to make the Lions the crown jewel of the city

Sounds silly to you doesn't it? But let me ask you who has garnered more attention this season: the Pats or the Lions? Do you have any idea what the Seahawks record is? How many fans have you seen sulking in Cleveland? Mark my words: Detroit will use this '08 team as a stepping stone from which to launch motor town USA back to its Flapper and Prohibition days. [Read more]

The mob has gathered round the house of Governor Rod Blagojevich, waving their virtual pitchforks and shrieking for justice. Our own Deadman has even called him "ugly," and Articleman has expressed condescending "sadness." Shame on them. Governor Blagojevich may not be married to a hot Star Trek actress, but he's a fine looking man, if a bit jowly. And no one is fooled by Aman's crocodile tears; we know that he yearns to return to his hometown and claim the office of Governor for himself. (When asked who would replace Blagojevich as Governor, he innocently shrugged in mock ignorance.) [Read more]

Schenectady, NY
With the market in freefall and hundreds of his clients suffering heavy 401(K) losses, Chief Investment Officer of AYN Asset Management Robert Lombardo is leaving his clients with one final piece of financial advice before closing up shop at his 17-year old investment firm:

"Leave your stock certificates in your mother's attic."
 [Read more]

With consumer confidence at a modern low, and analysts calling the current recession one driven by the psychology of the spending public, President-Elect Obama re-unveiled his economic team on Thursday, this time adding Santa Claus to an already formidable group including longtime Obama adviser Austan Goolsbee, Clinton Treasury Secretary Larry Summers, and incoming Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. At the Thursday presser, Claus took no questions, but stood beside the President-Elect, beaming with unmistakable Christmas cheer during Obama's prepared remarks. [Read more]

With the last of the pots scrubbed and the table wiped down, KRXA Hal looks wistfully at the mopped floor of the dining area. After briefly considering whether to scrub the toilets or snake out the pipes and deciding after serious contemplation that now is not the best time to regrout the bathroom tile, KRXA Hal debates internally whether the Biggest Loser really is more compelling television than Dancin' with the Stars. Since neither is on, KRXA Hal reluctantly boots up his always (sigh) trusty desktop. The antivirus software is functioning properly and both Firefox and Thunderbird are fully updated. Sadly er happily, there simply do not appear to be any impediments to a long (sigh) and intellectually rigorous (sigh) blogging session. [Read more]

In a victory for our folks, Saxby Chambliss won the Georgia runoff. Thank goodness. Our folks took a beating on Nov. 4th as the other folks voted for one of their own. A few years ago, the idea that one of the other folks could become president was unthinkable. But the recession, which was obviously caused by the other folks who forced our folks to lend them money, caused some of our folks to foolishly vote for one of the other folks. Our folks who voted for him may also have been influenced by the other-other folks who attacked us on 9/11 and forced our folks to invade one of their countries. [Read more]

ATTN: Parental Advisory Explicit Content

  [Read more]

In a sharp departure from the incoming Obama Administration's steady drumbeat of proposed appointments, heavy on prior federal government experience and traditional policy heft, Senior Presidential Advisor David Axelrod confirmed early Tuesday morning that after receiving an angry petition from liberal action group ChangeNow!, President-Elect Obama is dismissing his entire cabinet-in-waiting and replacing it with angry progressive bloggers. [Read more]