Unless you’ve been living under an analog rock, you know Apple released the biggest surprise everyone knew about: the iPad. Dubbed “The Jesus Machine” (http://www.buzznews.net/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=102...) by some industry analysts (analysts whose hyperbole machine is broken), this product is supposed to resurrect the dying print media. Apparently, there were these things called “newspapers” and "magazines" that according to my research on Wikipedia consisted of actual paper and are covered with day old news that was often times used as toilet paper in a pinch by our ancestors and the iPad is going to save them all by forgiving their sins as long as they accept him into their hearts.
We here at dagblog.com pride ourselves in being on the cutting edge of technology and all things that are hip – regardless of the fact as to whether or not it's true. We take great pride in lots of things that may or may not be true, it’s kind of one of our themes. So below is a numbered list of how the Jesus Machine is more like the Popemobile (that's right, Pope, I said it, you ride is janky).
1.Make a controller for games
I’m sure you could use the iPad to be informed and organized, but what’s the point in that? People want to d*ck around. By selling a moderately priced controller the iPad would not only surf the internet, read books, act as a calendar and date book, watch HD YouTube, watch movies, play music, download media, and massage your nether regions, but also be a mini-game system.
2.Make subscriptions cheap and plentiful
The hope is that instead of paying $1.25 a week for a physical newspaper the Jesus Machine will cost you over $400 and then you have to pay $.30 a week for a digital newspaper. Hence saving the newspaper industry from their ever dwindling incomes. If newspapers want to make money they have to bundle subscriptions with other newspapers, make it ridiculously cheap, and provide content exclusive to subscribers. Otherwise people can just look up news on the internet and not bother with subscribing. The internet is way better than a newspaper why would anyone waste their time?
3.Magic jack that
By using the iPad as a base, an internet based phone service is doable. Phone receivers and a docking station would be all you would need. Plus you could synch it to your iPhone so that you can view who has called or left a message. Granted this device is designed to be portable, but you can set up an online vmail box so if you take the iPad with you you can still get messages and all the data your phone would have gotten had you or the iPad been home. Verizon has their version of the phone of the future but compared to the iPad it looks like a rotary.
RALEIGH, N.C. — Federal election officials say John Edwards owes taxpayers more than $2.1 million in public matching funds improperly received after he dropped his 2008 run for the White House, yet disclosure reports show his failed campaign is still spending freely.
Edwards’ hopes for the Democratic presidential nomination imploded in a sex scandal four years ago that left him facing criminal charges. But reports filed last week show his 2008 primary campaign spent $836,712 in 2011 on airfare, hotel rooms, cell phones and other expenses [....]
News came hours after police surrounded the US consulate in Chengdu prompting rumours of an attempted defection
By Tania Branigan in Beijing, guardian.co.uk, 8 Feb., 2012, 07.30 EST
A high-profile Chinese official is receiving "vacation-style treatment" for stress, officials have announced – hours after police surrounded a US consulate, prompting widespread speculation of an attempted defection.
The rumours around Wang Lijun's sudden disappearance from public life are an unwelcome development for his patron, Chongqing's ambitious party secretary, Bo Xilai. Bo has been widely tipped for promotion when a new generation of leaders takes power in China this autumn [....] rumours of a split between the men emerged when Wang was abruptly moved to a non-police portfolio last week [....]
Joe Arpaio is called the 'America's toughest Sheriff', but Maricopa County is not so tough if you are white, booked on suspicion of 8 felonies, caught with stolen items in the home of your grandmother who is trying to kick you out, along with body armor, guns and drug paraphernalia. The Maricopa County Attorney's office, headed by a Republican, released the suspect with no charges being filed, just weeks before two grisly murders, because of the need to 'develop evidence' (like, maybe Grandma stole the motorcycle, owned the drugs, guns and body armor?) If the 8 felony suspect was Latino, would he have been set free so easily?
The individual involved was later arrested with four others, for the crimes of robbing and killing a wealthy Paradise Valley Arizona couple whose burned bodies were found bound in their destroyed house. The Jaguar automobile of the couple was found burned at another location.
MIAMI – A former Ecuadorean newspaper columnist who faces prison and millions of dollars in fines for his criticism of President Rafael Correa requested asylum Wednesday in the U.S., claiming he is the victim of persecution aimed at stifling free expression. Emilio Palacio, 58, said in an asylum application that a criminal libel judgment against him in his homeland shows he "is being severely punished in Ecuador for expressing legitimate opinions and subjective interpretations of factual events."
A four-hour, closed-door hearing was held Wednesday in Miami [....]
The Inter-American Press Association, for example, called the president's actions "a systematic and hostile campaign to do away with the independent press." Similar claims have been leveled against Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, an ally of Correa's [....]
By David M. Herszenhorn and James Gorman, New York Times, Feb. 8/9, 2012
MOSCOW — In the coldest spot on the earth’s coldest continent, Russian scientists have reached a freshwater lake the size of Lake Ontario after spending a decade drilling through more than two miles of solid ice, the scientists said on Wednesday.
A statement by the chief of the Vostok Research Station, A.M. Yelagin, released by the director of the Russian Antarctic Expedition, Valery Lukin, said the drill made contact with the lake water at a depth of 12, 366 feet. As planned, lake water under pressure rushed up the bore hole 100-130 feet pushing drilling fluid up and away from the pristine water, Mr. Yelagin said, and forming a frozen plug that will prevent contamination. Next Antarctic season the scientists will return to take samples of the water [....]
The need to prevent even the slightest contamination of the lake is acute. Its environment is comparable to conditions on the moons of Jupiter, which are among the candidates for extraterrestrial life. If life exists in Vostok, it may well exist on Europa, one of the moons of Jupiter [....]
