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Mortstradamus: NFL Predictions (I'm liable to alter at any point)
"Yapping Early" - The biggest no-no for any legitimate Jet fan.
So with my team first in the division I'll pass on my "get to gloat free" card. But let it be known that this round of predictions is in honor of the Jets manufacturing the biggest boot-stomping I've ever been a witness to last week (eat it Deadman). And with just 2 hours to go until the Thursday game drains my cloud located in sector 9, I'm jotting these down as my last words before I go all Bruce Banner on any folks I hear using "aaa's" a little too freely. Gaaat it?
So please raid your piggie bank and your obliterated 401(K) and lay it all on the line, because if you can't trust an angry green mutant locked up in a deserted cage, well then really who can you trust?
NFL Playoffs
Division Winnders
Jets (Gloat Gloat)
Denver
Baltimore (Bye)
Titans (Bye)
Steelers
Colts
Giants (Bye)
Minnesota
Carolina
Arizona (Bye)
Tampa Bay
Dallas
AFC Wild Card: Jets beat Steelers, Colts beat Denver
NFC Wild Card: Dallas beats Minnesota, Carolina beats Tampa Bay
AFC Division Championship: Baltimore beats Jets, Colts beat Titans
NFC Division Championship: Giants beat Dallas, Arizona beats Carolina
AFC Championship: Colts beat Baltimore
NFC Championship: Arizona beats Giants
Super Bowl: Colts beat Arizona
I don't care if the Colts are 5-4 now, because I like how this season is playing out for them. They always get a little cozy with early season victories and wind up a little like 'Stay-Puff' by the end (Ignore 2007 mmmkay). Nothing builds character quite like Injuries to Clark, Saturday, Addai and Manning, oh and the lack of the "Golden Boy's" presence adds a U-Haul of character.
The Cardinals are nasty. I mean that in many ways. Watch them legitimately try to decapitate Michael Robinson on the last play of the game against the 49ers. I sincerely mean decapitate. Three lineman ripped his helmet right off and if his cranium would have come along for the ride they would have paraded around the field with it like they were in "Mortal Kombat." That's the sign of a champion folks (at least in the NFC).
div>
Still, Manning is the coolest cat in this league and the Cards are a little too inexperienced. So
I'm selling out.
CFL Playoffs
Rams
Chiefs
Lions
Bengals
CFC Division Championship: Lions beat Bengals
KFC Division Championship: Rams beat Chiefs
Toilet Bowl: Lions beats Rams
Frankly, I don't think the Chiefs should be in this discussion anymore. Thigpen is playing out of his mind in the spread-offense and Bowe and Charles could provide a decent nucleus in the future. The Bengals have been awful but that's cause Carson has been out. The Lions and Rams have no excuses. The Rams couldn't even pick Favre off a single time for goodness sake, and Lions fans have been dressed in grocery bags for five weeks now. With the US auto business on the fritz, this team is like ancient Taiwanese 'salt-wound' torture.
MVP: Kurt Warner
The greatest story never told enough. If Kurt Warner revealed himself tomorrow as being the son of God, 37% of me would say "yea, that makes sense."
Defensive Player of the Year: Albert Haynesworth
The originator of the "boot stomp," proves once again that in the NFL if you play well enough you can pretty much kill somebody and get away with it.
5 Other Predictions:
The Titans will lose one of their next two games
Jay Cutler is NFL MVP in 2009
Drew Brees will set the NFL single-season record for passing yards
The Phillies championship will be forgotten when the city burns after a Week 14 loss to the Giants
The Lions don't win a single game this year (Bet on it)
5 Predictions Not Making The Cut:
Goldie Hawn will anchor the Lions "Wildcat Offense"
Tom Brady will be a very special guest host on "Mad TV"
The Rams hand over play-calling duties to "Deep Blue"
The Phillies championship will be remembered by Sunday
Frank Caliendo's 'Joe Flacco' impersonation receives rave reviews
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In the News
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Conversations with suicide bombers
By Elizabeth Weingarten, ForeignPolicy.com, May 23, 2012
It was 2009 in Peshawar, Pakistan, and Mossarat Qadeem was sitting on the floor of a house with about a dozen young Pakistani men -- some of whom had nearly become suicide bombers. Qadeem's goal: to undo the destructive brainwashing of the al-Qaeda and Taliban teachers who trained them in extremism, in part by asking the students to narrate their life stories.
"We were handling one of the boys, and he just came, put his head here in my lap, and he started crying and weeping," Qadeem recalls. "I was taken aback. It is very unnatural in my country that a man that tall can just sit at your feet and put his head here. [The other men] were all crying with him, and I was looking at him, and thinking, ‘my God.'"
All in a day's work for Qadeem. She's the national coordinator of Aman-o-Nisa, a coalition of Pakistani women that convened in October 2011 to combat violent extremism in Pakistan at the grassroots level. [....]
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For Native American Women, Scourge of Rape, Rare Justice
The issue of sexual assaults on American Indian women has become one of the major sources of discord in the current debate between the White House and the House of Representatives over the latest reauthorization of the landmark Violence Against Women Act of 1994.
.......
“We should never have a woman come into the office saying, ‘I need to learn more about Plan B for when my daughter gets raped,’ ” said Charon Asetoyer, a women’s health advocate on the Yankton Sioux Reservation in South Dakota, referring to the morning-after pill. “That’s what’s so frightening — that it’s more expected than unexpected. It has become a norm for young women.”
The difficulties facing American Indian women who have been raped are myriad, and include a shortage of sexual assault kits at Indian Health Service hospitals, where there is also a lack of access to birth control and sexually transmitted disease testing. There are also too few nurses trained to perform rape examinations, which are generally necessary to bring cases to trial.
-
Doctor Who Helped Find Bin Laden Given Jail Term (for...
By Ismail Kahn, New York Times, May 23/24, 2012
PESHAWAR, Pakistan — A Pakistani doctor who helped the Central Intelligence Agency pin down Osama bin Laden's location under cover of a vaccination drive was convicted on Wednesday of treason and sentenced to 33 years in prison, a senior official in Pakistan said.
A tribal court here in northwestern Pakistan found the doctor, Shakil Afridi, guilty of acting against the state, said Mutahir Zeb Khan, the administrator for the Khyber tribal region [....]
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Russia lawmakers advance bill on penalties for protesters
By Sergei L. Loiko, Los Angeles Times, May 23, 2012
MOSCOW — Stiff new penalties aimed at opposition protesters were given preliminary approval Tuesday by Russian lawmakers loyal to President Vladimir Putin, the target of mass rallies and demonstrations before his March election victory.
The bill, which opposition parliament members termed draconian and protested by threatening to file out of a legislative session, calls for fines of up to $50,000 and up to 200 hours of community service for organizers of rallies and demonstrations that grow violent or exceed the approved number of participants.
The sanctions were approved on first reading by parliament's lower house, which is controlled by Putin's United Russia party. They mark a return by the Kremlin to a tough stance against critics after concessions during the recent election campaign [...]
Also see:
Russians back Putin, strong leadership
Washington Post, May 22, 2012A Pew survey of 1,000 Russians found that President Vladimir Putin is well-liked by more than 70 percent of citizens, especially older adults.
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In Cuba, Mystery Shrouds the Fate of an Undersea Internet...
Associated Press, May 21, 2012
HAVANA — It was all sunshine, smiles and celebratory speeches as officials marked the arrival of an undersea fiber-optic cable they promised would end Cuba's Internet isolation and boost web capacity 3,000-fold. Even a retired Fidel Castro had hailed the dawn of a new cyber-age on the island.
More than a year after the February 2011 ceremony on Siboney Beach in eastern Cuba, and 10 months after the system was supposed to have gone online, the government never mentions the cable anymore, and Internet here remains the slowest in the hemisphere. People talk quietly about embezzlement torpedoing the project and the arrest of more than a half-dozen senior telecom officials.
Perhaps most maddening, nobody has explained what happened to the much-ballyhooed $70 million project....
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I like your Colts prediction - that's out on a big limb, but their schedule is favorable and there's no one in the AFC - Titans included - that poses a threat to Manning's clutchness (man, did I just say that? remember a couple of years ago, he never won the big ones - now even his brother is clutch!)
The Cardinals? That's even too big of a limb for me - that team they barely won against was the 49ers, in case you forgot. If Warner stays healthy they have a shot, tho. the good news is they'll be able to rest him for at least a week since they'll have that division wrapped up in 3 weeks.
I think Atlanta could get themselves a bye. i still think dallas could implode, so i think this year the 2 wild cards come from the NFC south.
i think you're putting too much faith in the ravens. i think the steelers hold onto to that division, and watch out for miami sneaking in the playoffs. they have a cupcake schedule (and don't hate on pennington!)
nice win tonight, mortimus!! could the REAL golden boy (he's now kind of the gray geezer) bring you back to the promised land????
Yea, two straight Super Bowl MVPs sort of takes the "Manning Choke" label off the table. I'm picking the Colts because I don't think the Steelers have enough, Flacco can't win 4 straight in the playoffs (I don't care how well he's been playing so far) and I think the Titans are getting a little ahead of themselves. That leaves the Jets...and well I'm just not going to say anything. The Cardinals are ferocious and their offense is top-3 and Warner has been there before. I think the Giants are very good but I just can't envision them repeating. If the Cowboys get on track I might have to alter the call, but as of right now I'm putting my money on them. Also, I think the 49ers are much improved since Singletary took over, so that game didn't make me nervous. P.S. I have to keep this interesting. It'd be a pretty lame post if I just said Giants/Titans, no? P.P.S. No chance the Dolphins make the playoffs.....no chance. Name any odds you want and I'll make that bet with you. P.P.P.S That game was insane. If you could have been a fly on the wall watching the interaction with me, Halie and the TV set your week would have been made. "Halie, Morty and the Jets game" should be a reality show. The ups and downs would more than fill a half-hours worth of drama. I think you really got shortchanged with the blowout against the Rams.