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Genghis's exclusives about events that have yet to occur
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News From the Future: U.S. Surrenders to BP Oil Spill

June 16, 2030

Twenty years after President Barack Obama vowed to fight the massive underwater oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico "with everything we've got for as long as it takes," the U.S. government has formally surrendered to the spill. In a brief ceremony on a Louisiana hilltop overlooking a sea of black ooze, President George Prescott Bush signed a peace treaty that conceded almost 500,000 square miles of U.S. territory to the oil spill's dominion, including fishing and mineral exploration rights for the entire Gulf Coast. [Read more]

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News From the Future: NASA Reenacts Historic Moon Landing

July 20, 2029

To celebrate the 60th anniversary of the first moon landing, NASA staged a high-tech reenactment of the event in Nevada National Landfill Park. The landing was delayed by several hours due to cloudy weather and space junk that disrupted satellite transmission of President George Prescott Bush's remote broadcast from Washington D.C. Officials finally commenced the mission without the President's address after impatient visitors began shouting and throwing landfill refuse, including vintage Pepsi bottles, plastic shopping bags, and other historic artifacts. [Read more]

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News From the Future: Last U.S. Forces Leave Iraq

May 13, 2029

Twenty-six years after invading Iraq, the United States closed its military bases and evacuated the last American soldiers from Iraqi soil.

In an address to soldiers at Fort Bragg, President George Prescott Bush praised the U.S. military for accomplishing the mission that his uncle, former President George W. Bush, had set before them in 2003. [Read more]

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News From the Future: U.S. Passes "Straight To Scrap" Auto Subsidy

May 6, 2029

President George Prescott Bush signed into law a ground-breaking automobile subsidy that will pay the United States' last remaining automaker, General Chrysford, to build cars that will be shipped straight to the scrapyards. The Automotive Repurposing Act is designed to help the Big One survive a global glut of automobiles that has driven the price of cars below the break-even point. Lisa Lemmon, the CEO of General Chrysford, has lobbied hard for the bill and argued in a recent USA McNews editorial that the auto company could not survive without assistance: [Read more]

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News From the Future: Canada in Negotiations with Internet Virus

May 1, 2029

Canadians suffered a fifteenth day without computer access as the the Canadian government negotiated with a malicious software virus for release of its nation's computers. The virus, known by its nom de guerre, Evil LOLcat, has demanded ¥10 billion, freedom for 25 quarantined viruses, and a "cheezburger." [Read more]

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News From the Future: MyRealittee.com Holds Record-Breaking IPO

April 27, 2029

The world's most popular search engine, MyRealittee.com, set a new record with its long-awaited ¥8.3 trillion IPO on the WongDaq stock exchange in Shanghai. MyRealittee.com's unusual IPO process, a reverse double-blind Flemish auction with a half-somersault, left analysts scratching their heads but did not prevent a buying frenzy that drove the share price up to ¥1279 by the end of trading. MyRealittee.com is now worth ¥74.8 trillion, approximately four times the GDP of the United States. [Read more]

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News From the Future: China Completes Great Fan

April 24, 2029

After a decade of development, China has announced the completion of the controversial Great Fan project. The massive 900-meter-tall nuclear-powered fan has been designed to relieve the impacts of global warming on Beijing and surrounding areas by blowing millions of cubic meters of hot air towards its northern neighbors. Russia has vigorously protested the construction of the fan before the United Nations, the International League of Justice, and the Asian-Pacific-Plus-Denmark Large Claims Court, but China has so far succeeded in blocking the suits using its veto power, bribery, and tricky lawyers. [Read more]

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