To celebrate the 60th anniversary of the first moon landing, NASA staged a high-tech reenactment of the event in Nevada National Landfill Park. The landing was delayed by several hours due to cloudy weather and space junk that disrupted satellite transmission of President George Prescott Bush's remote broadcast from Washington D.C. Officials finally commenced the mission without the President's address after impatient visitors began shouting and throwing landfill refuse, including vintage Pepsi bottles, plastic shopping bags, and other historic artifacts.
Twenty-six years after invading Iraq, the United States closed its military bases and evacuated the last American soldiers from Iraqi soil.
In an address to soldiers at Fort Bragg, President George Prescott Bush praised the U.S. military for accomplishing the mission that his uncle, former President George W. Bush, had set before them in 2003.
President George Prescott Bush signed into law a ground-breaking automobile subsidy that will pay the United States' last remaining automaker, General Chrysford, to build cars that will be shipped straight to the scrapyards. The Automotive Repurposing Act is designed to help the Big One survive a global glut of automobiles that has driven the price of cars below the break-even point. Lisa Lemmon, the CEO of General Chrysford, has lobbied hard for the bill and argued in a recent USA McNews editorial that the auto company could not survive without assistance:
Canadians suffered a fifteenth day without computer access as the the Canadian government negotiated with a malicious software virus for release of its nation's computers. The virus, known by its nom de guerre, Evil LOLcat, has demanded ¥10 billion, freedom for 25 quarantined viruses, and a "cheezburger."
The world's most popular search engine, MyRealittee.com, set a new record with its long-awaited ¥8.3 trillion IPO on the WongDaq stock exchange in Shanghai. MyRealittee.com's unusual IPO process, a reverse double-blind Flemish auction with a half-somersault, left analysts scratching their heads but did not prevent a buying frenzy that drove the share price up to ¥1279 by the end of trading. MyRealittee.com is now worth ¥74.8 trillion, approximately four times the GDP of the United States.
Keep me away from open windows, sharp objects, and toxic substances--I am a danger to myself. This is fucking unbelivably bad timing, it is JUST what that schmuck needed to be able to wave anytime the heat goes up! "Surging, I'm surging I tell ya'!"
Remember the horror that Bill Clinton committed perjury over an affair? 20 years later half of America wants to elect a man who can't tell the truth even on important stuff - in court, in national debates, to the INS or IRS, anywhere. There's a special place in hell for hypocritical sons-of-bitches, and it'll look a lot like the Cleveland convention, just bigger and louder. Hillary's "deplorable" understates the problem.
We have video of police shooting unarmed black people. We have reports of cops who witnessed shootings lying on police reports. There is no reason to believe that if a police officer tramples on your civil and human rights, other cops will intervene. Police unions will always back the cop who shot the unarmed black person no matter the circumstance. Police have lost the trust of many in the public.
Folks seem to forget the tried and true ways of turning a plus into a minus - think it was Rove that started a whisper campaign against a guy who built Children's Homes - that he was a pedophile instead of a do-gooder. Anyone can be brought down. Conason again tries to correct the record, but only the tried and true will notice.