Stimulate the Rich: Sign the Job Creator Tax Pledge Now!

Watching the whole debate about whether the rich (now known as Job Creators 'cause we can't call 'em RICH anymore) should pay more or less in taxes has got me thinking. And I think that maybe we've done our Job Creators a bit of a disservice.

Rich people are like German Shepherds--they're smart, they're high-strung, and if you don't give them stuff to think about and do, they'll spend all their time chewing on the furniture and biting the wrong people. Or getting a really weird color tan. Why, it's almost cruel to lower Rich People's taxes, like George Bush did, without giving them a way to justify themselves by living up to their reputation as Job Creators. It takes away their pride--they may not know it, but the Rich have sunk into a well of complacency that would put any Welfare Queen to shame. Surely, a rich person's mind is a terrible thing to waste.

So I say it's high time to put our Rich People back to work! Rich People don't want the Government creating jobs--why should they, when they can do it themselves in the private sector! I say that Democratic Politicians should sign a pledge to the Rich People of America--create X Million good private sector jobs by the end of the year, and by golly, we'll fight to extend your George Bush tax cuts for another year. That's what'll make you Rich People really appreciate them!

This is the opportunity for shared sacrifice that Rich People have been waiting for--in fact they've probably been hanging out on the sidelines sipping their foreign waters, checking their Cayman Islands accounts and waiting for the rest of us to ask. Why, if that nice Polaris CEO Scott Wine could see his way to bringing that one ATV factory back to Wisconsin, that would be, what, 40 or 50 jobs right there! And if others follow his selfless example...who knows what could happen! Can't you just see it, Rich People all over America making a special effort to employ Americans to justify the tax cuts that they keep insisting are good for the whole country. Poor Americans working for Rich Americans, in America, just like during the fabulous 50's that made this country great!

Let's think of this as a few thousand pair of really, really nice bootstraps, with no instruction manual, 'cause Rich People hate that kind of thing, just with an ultimatum attached. I'm pretty sure the idle rich will rise to the challenge and thank us for it--it'll give them a purpose other than hoarding all their profits and complaining about how nobody likes Millionaires anymore. (Think of poor Paul Ryan and his friends in that Restaurant, drinking $350/bottle wine and being laughed at by the other patrons. So sad.)

So, Democrats, what do you say? Let's send this Good Jobs for Tax Cuts pledge around the country and get our Politicians to sign it. Let's figure out how many jobs we need and get our Job Creators to strap on their good old American knowhow and start hiring instead of hoarding. We need it, but more important, the Rich People need it, because God knows a Rich Person won't work harder that she or he has to without some kind of incentive. People are people, right?

So I'm thinking 20 Million good private sector jobs by Christmas or that tax cut goes off the table and we use the revenue to run our Government all wrong, the way we poor people like to do it. Seems only fair.

What say you, everyone? It's high time to make Rich People work like everybody else!