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    Chris Christie:"You don't have a noose big enough for my fat neck..."

    By jollyroger on Mon, 04/07/2014 - 7:10pm |

    Paul Fishman, US Attorney for New Jersey and therefor man tasked with sorting out the sundry Christie-gate's that have entertained us since the Fort Lee lane closure kerfuffle, was seen shopping at Morty's Big and Tall, in the company of David Wildstein, former caporegime for the man whose mob nickname is "Big Chicken" (h/t Charlie Pierce)

     

    Morty is reported to have provided Fishman with a selection of nooses in 3X, 4X, and a mammoth 5X sizes.

     

    "You don't want to skimp", advised Morty--"this guy gives Taft a run for his money."

     

    The occasion for the shopping trip was to celebrate Wildstein's grant of immunity, for which which he has been periodically trolling ever since Christie made his ill-considered sneer "I was an athlete and class president--I don't know what he (Wildstein) was doing in High School."

     

    Of course, that was before Christie's staff slammed Wildstein as a known pratitioner of devious practices, not to mention a pesky litigant while merely a high school lad.

     

    Wildstein has, by report, kept a dossier on everyone he ever came in contact with--in itself, not necessarily an attractive characteristic, but we will forgive him here.

     

    He can sink the battleship Chris Christie, and all I can say is, "Godspeed, Captain.  You may fire at will."

    Comments

    Christie v. Taft

     

    :

     

    Taft, 5-11 1/2", peaked at around 335-340#

     

     

     

    Christie, 5' 11" peaked at (estimated) 350#

     

    Christie, a clear winner in the porker sweeps.

     

     

     


    by jollyroger on Mon, 04/07/2014 - 8:10pm

    Joybeharpic.jpg

    I am attempting to work with PC (Not my personal computer but political correctness, hahahahah) but damn 

    Joy Behar, the former co-host of “The View,” was even more pointed. “When I first heard that he was accused of blocking off three lanes on the bridge, I said, ‘What the hell is he doing, standing in the middle of the bridge?” After another barb, Christie interrupted her. “This is a Byrne roast,” he said. He stood up and tried to grab her notes. The audience laughed awkwardly. “Stop bullying me,” Behar said as he sat down. Christie said something out of earshot and Behar responded, “Why don’t you get up here at the microphone instead of being such a coward?” Christie stood up again and moved in front of the lectern as Behar retreated.  “At least I don’t get paid for this,” he said.

    Christie sat down and Behar continued, though she was noticeably rattled. “I really don’t know about the Presidency,” she said. “Let me put it to you this way, in a way that you’d appreciate: You’re toast.”


    http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2014/04/14/140414fa_fact_lizza?currentPage=all

    I always liked Joy. I recall her stand ups and she is funny.

    And Letterman used to make this sexist attack on that show regularly. 

    But damn, she is and was funny as a stand up and she is so much older than I had thought.

    Anyway, I laughed so damn hard at this stand up in front of the NJ Governor and at first I felt guilty. But damn I am so damn fat. hahahahaha

    Christie is a prick of the first order and a repub and...

    This was soooooo damn funny.

    I love Joy, she brings me joy.

    I still intend to use this. hahahahahahah
     


     


     


     

     

     

     


    by Richard Day on Mon, 04/07/2014 - 9:22pm

    As I understand it, once you lose it at a roast, you really are toast...even if the object of the roast is someone else...you just better not show up if you have current "issues"

     


    by jollyroger on Mon, 04/07/2014 - 10:08pm

    hahahahahhahhahaha

    Okay

    Oh I love Joy!

    What courage and she just nailed it and I never saw it comin.

    Not one comedian or comedienne has come up with this line.

    I really do love her.


    by Richard Day on Mon, 04/07/2014 - 10:36pm

    "What the hell is he doing, standing in the middle of the bridge?”

    Delivered straight from the Catskills still warm.


    by Peter Schwartz on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 8:46am

    She should've added...shrimp toast.


    by Peter Schwartz on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 1:22pm

    Christie needs to not show up without a jacket.

    Though Taft's weight might have been asset in his day--and he certainly didn't have the ubiquitous camera eye--or any eye--to worry about, he understood this principle.

    And the portraitist might have slimmed him down a bit.

    Hard to predict politics--remember when Reagan was considered a long shot?--but I don't think Christie is making it out of New Jersey.

    Which, by the way, has a lot more to recommend it than the jokes let on.


    by Peter Schwartz on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 8:44am

    First, Christie has lost a lot of weight, thanks to his weight-loss surgery. Sometimes I think these surgeries are over-prescribed, but in his case I think it was a good call, and he seems to be making some lifestyle changes to go along with it. I hope he is, because I want everyone, regardless of whether I agree with them, to maximize their health potential.

    Secondly, I really feel that making fun of Christie's weight is in bad taste. I could care less about Joy Behar doing it — she's a comedian who makes a lot of off-color jokes, so in my mind, it's no big deal. But when others pile on, it bothers me. And lest some dismiss me because they think I'm projecting issues with my own weight, I can assure you I'm not. Even at my heaviest of ~230 lbs (I'm about 6' 3"), no one other than possibly my doctor would have described me as overweight, and I now weigh a little under 180. (Surprisingly enough, given all of my exercising, my blood pressure is still incredibly high. I measured it about a week ago as high as about 150/100, along with a pulse of only 50!)


    by Verified Atheist on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 8:51am

    my blood pressure is still incredibly high. I measured it about a week ago as high as about 150/100

     

    Smoke more dope.

     

     


    by jollyroger on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 9:21am

    Not according to WebMD:

    Signs of using marijuana include:

    • Rapid heart rate
    • Increased blood pressure
    • Increased rate of breathing
    • Red eyes
    • Dry mouth
    • Increased appetite, or "the munchies"
    • Slowed reaction time

    (Emphasis mine)

    Edit to add: I'm not a medical doctor, and I know many pro-marijuana people think that the medical industry is set against them, which might be true, but I trust WebMD more than I trust marijuana advocacy groups.


    by Verified Atheist on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 9:55am

    They are wrong, and I know from personal experience.

     

    It knocks 40 points of my systolic and 20 of the diastolic, and that within 30 seconds of the 3rd hit.

     

    There is a certain biofeedback component that potentiates the weed effect, but the anti-hypertensive action persists because of the fat solubility (the verso of the 30 day window to pee in the cup...) of the thc, especially for a motivated smoker such as I.

     

    If you're interested,I'll instruct you in the biofeedback component, which involves a sufi breathing exercise.

     

    The result is similar to orthostatic hypotension (don't try this while driving on the highway, btw, because , as I can say from personal experience, you can pass out from the rapid blood pressure drop.)

    Edit to add: Obviously, I came to in time not to drive off the road at 65 mph...

     


    by jollyroger on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 10:29am

     bad taste

     

     

    He did it to himself...


    by jollyroger on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 9:39am

    Meditation seems to work to lower blood pressure. Good work on losing weight. I weigh almost that much and am much shorter, 5'7".

    As a rule, I agree with you about piling on.

    Ultimately, we're all just human beings trying to get from here to there. Gratuitous meanness is so...gratuitous and mean.

    However, if Christie didn't throw his weight around so aggressively, the temptation to pile on might not be so great.

    My rule: As soon as someone in a position of public trust and power starts to make life miserable for other, less powerful people...

    Especially when he or she does it for ego-driven, self-serving purposes and gratuitous reasons (i.e., because he can)...

    He relinquishes some of the empathy I might otherwise feel for him or her.


    by Peter Schwartz on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 10:33am

    http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2014/04/14/140414fa_fact_lizza

    Par exemple...


    by Anonymous PS (not verified) on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 10:36am

    Well, I definitely should add that I can be as guilty as the next person when it comes to making insensitive jokes. I've gotten better over the years thanks to feedback from my wife.


    by Verified Atheist on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 10:54am

    -but I don't think Christie is making it out of New Jersey.

     

    Sure he is....Danbury is in Connecticut


    by jollyroger on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 9:23am

    Here is the ticket to Danbury, in detail....


    by jollyroger on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 10:46am

    Christie's big mistake with Wildenstein was that he brought up high school.

    He said that Wildenstein was a nothing in high school, so much so that Christie couldn't even remember what he did.

    Whereas Christie was a BMOC. An athlete. A young man going places.

    High school memories can tap into a deep, primal part of our brains. High school is such an emotionally fraught time, it leaves scars even when they're good scars.

    Christie could have said almost anything else about Wildenstein, and it wouldn't have been as bad as saying he wasn't a friend and was basically a nobody in high school, back when being a nobody was really, really painful.


    by Peter Schwartz on Tue, 04/08/2014 - 1:20pm

    And the portraitist might have slimmed him down a bit.

    Indeedy do; being seated hid his pear-shaped evidence of enjoyment of some of the finer things in the life of a gentleman of means of the time:

    The painted portrait, BTW, was by Anders Zorn, the Swedish version of John Singer Sargent, who many think a more masterful talent than the latter, working in a very similar style.

    Edit to add: some mighty fine tailoring noted in the above photo, where the shoulder pads are extended way beyond the actual shoulder line in order to balance out the girth at the hips.


    by artappraiser on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 12:43am

    I really like JSS, so will have to check out AZ.

    I was admiring his tailoring in this photo when I read your very perceptive note on the shoulders. Yes, indeed. Good eye!

    But even without that important detail, he's doing a much better job of looking--how to say it?--well put together than Christie. He looks confidently serene.

    Of course, them older guys had the BIG advantage of being pictured only in highly posed situations (for the most part). They didn't have high-tech cameras poking their nose into every nano-second of their lives capturing their every posture.

    Still...

    Christie would do well to study President Taft. That horizontal line where shirt meets pants, dividing upper from lower, is a killer on Christie. Taft's sheet of unbroken gray (I assume) smoothes and slims him while not hiding his considerable poundage.

    Better still...

    Would be for Christie to lose weight, as VA says he's doing. From his earlier pictures, he was always a "beefy" guy, but he has the potential to get back down, if not to his younger self then to a reasonable older version of his younger self.


    by Peter Schwartz on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 9:22am

    Here's one before-and-after I found:

    Christie before & after

    And here he is in January of 2014:

    Christie 2014


    by Verified Atheist on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 10:53am

    Not bad. Not bad at all.


    by Peter Schwartz on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 11:10am

    Of course, in reading Lizza's profile of Christie in The New Yorker and the article a few months back in TNR, many other disturbing facts weigh more heavily against him than his weight.

    They say Chicago is corrupt. I fear the Windy City has NOTHING on New Jersey.

    But maybe state politics is just as corrupt everywhere. Makes you wonder about that founding principle that says government is best when it's closest to the people. Not if Jersey has anything to say about it, and it was one of the original 13.


    by Peter Schwartz on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 11:17am

    Well, yes, my point has always been that his weight is irrelevant to whether he is corrupt. I am definitely not contending the basic fact that he is corrupt.


    by Verified Atheist on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 11:19am

    Historically, as a general proposition, corruption increases as you get more local.  Which is pretty scary when you consider the amount of corruption at the Federal level.


    by jollyroger on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 11:54am

    Actually, I'd argue that the variance of corruption (i.e., you have both very corrupt and very honest people) increases as you get more local. I think that the most honest politicians never make it beyond the local level because of their honesty. Similarly, I suppose, that politicians that are exceedingly corrupt get exposed.


    by Verified Atheist on Wed, 04/09/2014 - 12:13pm

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