Larry vs. Homophobic Idiots: Maine Legalizes Gay Marrige!

I want to marry gays.  I really do.  If it were legal to do so in my state, I would become an ordained minister to join a gay couple in holy and legal matrimony.  I view it as a benchmark of American progress.  It would be a fine example of the reason prevailing against rhetoric, because reasonably LGBT folks should be able to marry and enjoy all the benefits that heterosexual couples do. 

Why should gay marriage be legal?  Because the arguments against it are so asinine they make neocon political ideals look logical, or even moral.

Let’s take a look at a few [note: if you are reading aloud each anti-LGBT argument should be said in a southern twang].

“Homosexuality is just not natural” a.k.a. The Tab A, Slot B Argument:

As in it doesn’t happen in nature?  It is well documented that homosexuality is prevelant in many different species.  In fact, many well known animal actors are homosexuals.  I won’t mention names (Mr. Ed, Flipper, and the original Lassie was a lesbian), but it happens.  Seriously though, homosexuality has been observed in many different species: dolphins, apes, birds, dogs, etc. 

Canadian Grey Geese are a well known for their lesbianism.  Biologists have observed that lesbian geese couples often take care of abandoned eggs to do their duty as a good goose and raise the orphaned gosling to further the species.  In “nature” homosexual animals can contribute to the overall betterment of their species if some other jerk heterosexual (perhaps many of them homosexuals themselves) don’t butt-in and tell them it’s not natural to do just that.

“The Bible says so!” a.k.a. The My God is Bigger Than Your God Argument:

I’m sure the Bible does say that in your opinion. You would have been quite an asset during the Inquisitions, but we live in the now, in America, where the rules say that no matter how wacky your beliefs are, you are allowed to follow them as long as they don’t infringe upon anybody else’s rights to being and last time I checked two homos being homos doesn't infringe on anybody else's rights.  If you want the government to use religion as its basis for governing go live in a theocracy. I encourage you to do so, ‘cause this country isn’t one.  Ask the middle east how the whole theocracy thing has been working for them. 

The Bible says a lot of things.  Some Catholic’s believe it says not to use birth control because it is a sin against God – yet we allow the sale of condoms.  Some protestant’s believe imbibing in alcohol is sinful – but we still sell beer.  So even if the Bible does "say so," why can't we legalize gay marriage?  If your religion is so fragile that the legalization of gay marriage would destroy it, it probably doesn’t deserve to exist.  I am pretty sure religions and LGBTers can get along.  Jesus was all about compassion, yes?

“It will threaten the sanctity of marriage” a.k.a. The Sanctimonious F*ck-hole Argument:

Who does more damage to the sanctity of marriage in America: 2 loving committed people of the same gender who marry and stay committed or Brittney Spears going to Vegas and getting married and divorced shortly there after?  Who is more of an influence on young people in America?  You may not agree with gay marriage, but don’t pretend that homo-marriage will all of a sudden destroy the institution – 50% of American marriages end in divorce!

Also, throughout human history marriage has rarely reflected the idea of sanctity.  For thousands and thousands of years marriage was little more than a business arrangement between two families with the idea of both mutually benefiting from it – like a business transaction.  This is America for cripes-sakes!  We are all about business arrangements, that's what makes us great.  Everyone should have the same ability to make a business arrangement (such as a marriage) with anybody else they want to.  How come those free-market right-wingers only argue for a free market when it means allowing corporations to run rough-shod over consumers? 

These are just a few of the arguments against LGBT equality.  They are all bullshit and lack genuine reason.  Common sense is perhaps one of God’s (if you believe in such a thing) greatest gifts.  For us to ignore this gift while impinging upon other people’s rights to be happy and marry who they choose is shameful and woefully un-American.

This post was sponsored by the good folks at AbFab Cruises:

You can read the full blog, including Larry accidently signing up for a cruise, by clicking here.