Michael Wolraich's picture

    Chilean Miner Rescue Inspires Copycat Operations

    As Chileans celebrated the sensational rescue of 33 trapped miners, other nations have looked on with envy at Chile's display of patriotic unity and national goodwill.

    In several Latin American countries, unpopular leaders reportedly plan to divert their restive citizens by staging even more spectacular rescue operations. According to a government insider, President Cristina Fernández de Kirchner of Argentina has arranged to trap 60 miners for for 87 days in another Andes copper mine and then rescue them. Not to be outdone, President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva of Brazil reportedly plans to trap 75 miners for 94 days in an iron mine and then personally accompany them to the service in a specially designed presidential capsule nicknamed the Lula-Pod.

    Meanwhile, President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela has announced plans to stage the largest mine rescue in history, with 450 miners buried at 5,000 feet for a full year. But his grand plans may be overshadowed by China, which has begun a major digging operation near Xi'an. Analysts have theorized that the government is planning to rescue a live simulation of the Terracotta Army, a massive ceramic sculpture collection of 8,000 soldiers and horses buried near the Mausoleum of the First Qin Emperor in 2010 B.C.

    Other nations have sought out more creative mine rescues to tug their citizens' heartstrings. Uruguay will reportedly bury 25 Miss Universe pageant contenders along with soccer star Diego Forlan. Germany may bury three 6-year-old triplets in blond pigtails and a litter of dachshund puppies. The U.K. has already privatized its mine rescue administration, granting a license to a new reality show called "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of this Mine."

    In the U.S., mine rescue has taken on political overtones. President Obama proposed to rescue 50 miners, one from each state, as part of an economic stimulus package. But Republican leader John Boehner criticized the plan as "a socialist handout to the mining unions." Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin told Fox News, "Every day, I hear people from all over this great nation tell me how all they want is to save someone trapped in a mine, and if the government would just get out of their way, they could save them with some good old American can-do." On a separate program, Fox News host Glenn Beck warned his audience, "We've seen this before, folks. First they save the miners, then they murder the Jews." Republicans meanwhile introduced their own Pledge to American Miners, in which they promised not to raise taxes on those earning over $250,000 per year.

    In the meantime, Chile continues to bask in the glory of international attention. President Sebastián Piñera declared, "With this miraculous rescue, Chile has showed the world that we may not be the first in mine safety, but we're the first in mine rescue."


    Ouch.  Double Ouch.  May I make one tiny correction?  Didn't President Obama say he would rescue one young, blonde, white miner from each state?  The photos behind Brian Killmeade while he read the leaked plan were all blonde women, to boot; or was that just Yellow Journalism,  so to speak?

    Roman Polanski's been giving minors the shaft for years.

    What a great post!  Applause, applause.  (and more applause.)

    GOP Law Would Fine Trapped Miners For Illegal Burial on BLM Land


    In a deficit reducing move the GOP House has added an amendment to a supplemental GWOT funding package needed because the Taliban has increased the charges the Pentagon pays to them to not attack US Afghan bases and supply trucks.

    The amendment would:

    (1) Disallow use of taxpayer funds to rescue miners or anyone else as the result of a disaster.

    (2) Retroactively charge workers (by deduction from final paychecks) who are killed on oil platforms with usual and customary fees for cremation.

    (3) Fine surviving relatives of mine workers for violation of law when they do not retrieve the bodies of loved ones who do not leave leased federal land due to death, seeking free internment.

    (4) The Republican sponsored amendment would also decrease taxes, and allow corporations to deduct a set dollar figure for workers who die on the job, as a depreciation allowance, similar to those for replacing old equipment.

    The US Chamber of Commerce from their huge new office complex in Shanghai said they supported the legislation. "Not trying to rescue miners would increase competitiveness with China, which still tries to save miners" said a spokeman for the Chamber, "money saved along with the tax deductions would provide funds to support more free market initiatives and line the pockets of politicians".

    John Boehner said it is time to stop the 'Nanny-state' mentality of the left, and hold the workers responsible for the safety failures, not CEO's and private corporations, "Losing workers is a cost of doing business" said Boehner, "and it should be treated as such in the tax code". Rand Paul, GOP candidate for the Senate from Kentucky, chimed in "Corporations who suffer these inevitable worker deaths should not be punished by government, they should be thanked for providing jobs and be compensated for losses".

    (Honestly I think this satire falls flat for any country but America, as I don't believe there is any nation on earth with as dumb, selfish, delusional and easily manipulated population as the US!)

    Hi-fives for this post.
    This  Friday's edition of NPR's "On the Media" has an interesting take on the Chilean mine rescue. It is the first segment. The rest of the program is well worth listening to as well.


    I have some Chilean Miner cartoons at my blog that are free for you to use if you are interested.

    <a href="http://pastexpiry.blogspot.com/search/label/miner" target="_blank">cartoons!</a>

    Wow. Glenn Beck isn't even trying anymore.

    All I'll say about Chile is it's about time they had a miracle.

    Parade-rainer here; so sorry.  China has a trapped miner problem:


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