Cleveland: Keeping Christmas at Home
Ramona: The War on Happy Holidays
Richard Day: Cold in Minnesota, and in the Hearts of Men
Hot off his claims Obama made up the latest batch of jobs statistics, Jack Welch suggests Obama had his global warming pals gin up a hurricane to make him look awesome and presidential.
Obama's Chicago headquarters released a rather cryptic non-denial, saying, "you don't need a Weatherman to know which way the wind blows."
Meanwhile, Donald Trump accused Obama of creating the hurricane to give him an excuse not to take $5 million and release all his records. The offer must be accepted by 5pm Halloween. Atlantic City and Manhattan are expected to be underwater by then.
For the first time, FEMA is handing out snorkles and waterproof pens for early voters as Obama is expecting a surge in the surfer "choom" vote.
But the White House itself appears unperturbed by the rapidly progressing events, reportedly keeping previous Halloween commitments, though apparently shopping for trendy "Frankenstormette" outfits for Malia and Sasha.
Mitt Romney's campaign appears to be taking the emergency more seriously - after saying FEMA should be shut down or turned over to the states (half of which will be missing by this time tomorrow), the candidate was seen strapping his most cherished possessions and family members to the roof of several of his houses, just in case.