The Valentine Generator ™

I'll give you $99.99 to keep Joe the Banker far far away from me.

My valentine, with edits for grammar and a little disappointment at where "Daniel Craig" ended up in the scenario...

To my lovely day,

You are the Daniel Craig of my table. I want to kiss you more than any tuxedo in the whole of Paris.

The first time we swooned, I felt scrumptous in my lips, and I was so trepidatious that I could barely step. I knew that we would lay together for month.

Whenever you talk, it makes me sing slowly and skip like a handsome man.

I will ask with you forcefully until the kitchen licks and the lake dances.

Super Valentine's Day!

Love, your special friend

To my hot pink lust, You are the toe of my envelope. I want to mail with you more than any scarf in the whole bar. The first time we satiated, I felt jumbled in my neck, and I was so terrified that I could barely flee. I knew that we would spin together for a month. Whenever you celebrate, it makes me endure slowly and flit like a broken monkey. I will chirp with you joyfully until the diary cheers and the tryst folds. Gentle Valentine's Day! Love, your careful battery

To my sweet sailor,

You are the ceiling of my cracker jacks. I want to suspect with you more than any Staten Island Ferry in the whole lemur.

The first time we escaped, I felt tasty in my clavicle, and I was so anticipation that I could barely shower. I knew that we would tantalize together for fiscal quarter.

Whenever you thumb wrestle, it makes me nuzzle willy-nilly and pounce like a dirty light pole.

I will sway with you voraciously until the pillow leapfrogs and the champagne gallivants.

Sweaty Valentine's Day!

Love, your en fuego spotlight

On behalf of a friend:

To my fluffy Nyquil,

You are the phillips head of my haircut. I want to eat with you more than any laundry in the whole ass.

The first time we drank, I felt disgusting in my patella, and I was so disgruntled that I could barely type. I knew that we would burp together for an hour.

Whenever you trail, it makes me relish wonderfully and enunciate like a sparse third base.

I will scratch with you shockingly until the monument disperses and the Q-tip ruins.

Greasy Valentine's Day!

Love, your flowing pashmina

To my karate-ish Mentos,

You are the June of my orphan. I want to burn with you more than any koala in the whole saliva.

The first time we hip-hopped, I felt squeaky in my spleen, and I was so iffy that I could barely conquer. I knew that we would Tsongased together for mule.

Whenever you bowl, it makes me itch robotly and fall like a stingy armadillo.

I will laugh with you gayly until the feminists loves and the love loves.

Womanly Valentine's Day!

Love, your manly fart

To my black aardvark, You are the gun of my textile mill. I want to fall with you more than any left testicle in the whole god. The first time we underdeveloped, I felt major in my right testicle, and I was so warm that I could barely jump. I knew that we would leap together for fortnight. Whenever you differ, it makes me fork haltingly and die like a bright entwistle. I will translate with you sniffingly until the tarantula leaves and the barf screws. Hot Valentine's Day! Love, your yellow newfoundland dog

Fixing the spaces as always:

Your valentine...

To my heartfelt heart,

You are the box of chocolates of my "it's not you; it's me". I want to throb with you more than any manhood in the whole womanhood.

The first time we smooched, I felt beckoning in my mons veneris, and I was so ennui that I could barely just be friends. I knew that we would get to third base together for first quarter.

Whenever you ritually deflower, it makes me penetrate throbbingly and call the next day like a ruby-red family jewels.

I will recalibrate with you excitedly until the penis symbol exchanges and the bodily fluids expose.

Lackluster Valentine's Day!

Love, your florid affection

 

To my astral rock,

You are the scissors of my paper. I want to drink with you more than any holding cell in the whole desert island.

The first time we propositioned, I felt reprehensible in my gizzard, and I was so in awe that I could barely run. I knew that we would walk together for endless moments.

Whenever you crawl, it makes me adulate swimmingly and ululate like a red dark star.

I will imbibe with you blackly until the town ascends and the speedo squeezes.

Faithful Valentine's Day!

Love, your adorable sugar lumps

To my graceful peach,

You are the river of my bell.

I want to find with you more than any other branch in the whole house.

The first time we began, I felt cool in my hand, and I was so longing that I could barely flow. I knew that we would dream together for one hour.

Whenever you pour, it makes me melt smoothly and find like an ethereal door.

I will open with you tenderly until the cloud whispers and the jellyfish thanks.

Adorable Valentine's Day!

Love, your lovely beetle

My valentine:

To my sweet credit card,

You are the notebook of my skyscraper. I want to walk with you more than any kleenex in the whole whipped cream.

The first time we struggled, I felt bootylicious in my fingernail, and I was so dazed that I could barely gobble. I knew that we would rap together for a month.

Whenever you snore, it makes me heal patiently and believe like a muscular harmonica.

I will fire with you conspicuously until the Ben Bernanke masturbates and the central air conditioner whips.

Black Valentine's Day!

Love, your slimy TV dinner

I have some questions about this machine Genghis. q

 

"To my cowardly Genghis,

You are the Cheney of my Dijamo. I want to fight with you more than any Donal in the whole Heffalump.

The first time we doggied, I felt courageously in my doggie bits, and I was so flambeed that I could barely fart. I knew that we would f*ck together for an endless summer.

Whenever you fondle, it makes me savage back-break and bite unbelievably fucking hard like old misery guts Mighty Quinn.

I will bite hard with you arching until the Great One bites and the Orlando fools around.

Not so bellowing Valentine's Day!

Love, your asshattish little black propagandizing bastard."