Things I Have Seen on the Internets, Part 1: A Separation of Church and Sanity

I'd like to take some time to address something that I have seen on the Internets.

Please watch the following video.  It will take about two minutes.

My first reaction to seeing this was, "That is one of the weirdest things I have ever seen."

But then I thought, "DF, maybe you're being a skosh hyperbolic here.  After all, you've seen some weird things on these Internets."

And indeed I have.  Sure, everyone has seen the monkey peeing in its own mouth, the skateboarding dog, the waterskiing squirrel, but that only begins to scratch the surface and, even then, only deals with two categories: animals and enjoyable recreational activities.  By the way, the waterskiing squirrel could really use some Benny Hill music.  Don't believe me?

I have also seen various other viral videos like the Numa Numa guy, Tay Zonday, the Star Wars kid and the people who think that they have seen a leprechaun (and the remix).

But none of this had prepared me for the video above.  Something was different now.  I had been somehow affected or changed in a way that I did not fully understand.

I needed to understand what had happened to me.  So, naturally, I watched the video several more times.  I have found that this is an effective technique in many arenas.  I will frequently re-read something.  Repeatedly listening to a song that I can't get out of my head seems to help.  Sometimes the repitition will force an opposite swing of the perceptual pendulum, rendering the subject matter more neutral.  At other times, it only seems to amplify the effect, as is the case with this video, which seems to get funnier every time I watch it.

Repitition was not a catalyst for cessation of the weird feeling that the video above had given me.  Instead, I only grew more fascinated with it.  I soon realized that I was not so engrossed with the baby or what it was doing, but rather with the way that the adults seemed to be reacting to it.  The baby is clearly imitating what it has seen.  Though this particular instance of imitation is unusual in my experience, it is not altogether unthinkable.  However, the adults are reacting in much the same way that they would to an adult preacher.  They are clapping, cheering and generally providing the baby with positive feedback.

I wondered, "Do these people just think they're watching a baby imitate a preacher or do they regard the baby as a preacher in and of itself?"  Given the sort of beliefs that the modern American Christian is prone to, I do not consider it far-fetched that some could possibly think that this baby was not imitating anything, but rather is itself a conduit of the Word.

This thought plagued me.  So, I had to seek outside counsel.  I e-mailed the video to a friend of mine.  He was equally flabbergasted and remarked, "Well, there has officially been a separation of church and sanity."

Indeed it seemed that way, but then I thought, "Wait.. don't I already consider that to be the genereal state of affairs?"  I then endeavored to try and stretch my imagination, to look at what I had seen with fresh eyes.  Perhaps this concept, that a group of adults could regard a baby's grunting imitation of preaching as a general substitutable for the real thing, could be more widely applicable.

Imagine: Some months from now, you click on the evening news.  Instead of the typical adult anchor, there is a baby engaging in a grunting imitation of Tom Brokaw.  Ratings are puzzlingly unaffected.

Not long thereafter, the first baby runs for Congress.  His grunting imitation of Ronald Reagan makes him immediately popular as does the seemingly favorable coverage by Baby Brokaw.  He wins in a landslide against his opponent, who is easily cast as being anti-baby.

Is this what the future holds?  I don't know, but I have a feeling that this baby has a bright future ahead if he chooses a career in proselytizing.

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This post is dedicated to J.G. Ballard.  RIP.