Tea Cup Piglets and Mini-Elephants

Pictured below is a Teacup Piglet, just like Teacup Poodles and Matchbox Chihuahuas, these animals are bred to be diminutive in stature to enhance their adorability rating - and look at the pig below, they are goddamn adorable. Chris Murray at Pennywell Farm in Devon, England, has spent the last 9 years breeding pigs to be smaller and smaller, to the point where they can fit easily into a teacup when they are born.

 
When I first read about these wee pigs a few questions sprung to mind; 1) Can you house train them? The other option is diapers, but I don’t think anybody wants to change pig diapers, I don't even want to change baby diapers; 2) They are small, but are they deliciously small? We all know how delicious veal is, does teacup pig meat have that same savory taste? I hope so I love veal bologna; 3) Can you treat them like mini-mobile garbage disposals? ‘Cause that’d be cool to be sitting on your couch eating and apple and tossing the core to Babe when you’re done.

I don’t think I’d get a teacup piglet (unless they were delicious and in that case I'd get a few and make sausage), but I really like the idea Pennywell Farms has: take an animal and breed it smaller so it can fit through a doggy door. But why stop at pigs? There are a lot cooler animals to make miniature.

How about a minute hippopotamus? Or a petite panda? Or a tiny elephant?



Think of how cool it would be to have a mini-elephant around the house. I love dogs, but I’d take a little elephant over a dog any day of the week. I’d get two mini-elephants, Dumbo and Little Stampy, they’d be brothers. It’d be like Wear the Red Fern Grows with more peanuts (they like peanuts right?) and less racoons.

Pet elephants would be way better than pet dogs. The little sonofab*tch could hand you stuff with his trunk. You could train it to get you a beer from the fridge! Plus, I’ve seen shows with painting elephants. I’d make Dumbo and Little Stampy (friends would call him Stampalicious) create paintings and then sell ‘em at posh galleries.

Granted, the selective breeding of smaller and more docile elephants would take a long time, but I say we make that investment for our posterity. It took humans a long time to turn wolves into wiener dogs, but we took the time and did it because it was worth doing. I believe mini-elephants are also worth it. They’d kick the sh*t out of a wiener dog.

If we had started converting elephants into house pets a hundred years ago we’d probably have an elephant the size of a small mastiff by now. So if anybody reading this has the means to start selectively breeding elephants to become household pets, I implore you to do so. Not for us, but for the future, for the children, mini-elephants.