Having gone over and over it, it’s clear now that there really is only one difference between myself and Colombian pop sensation Shakira. My hips lie.
In fact, they go much further than lying. They commit monumental acts of fraud against humanity. They are more like Bernie Madoff in that way. Put as simply as possible, my hips are a complicated Ponzi scheme, and are selling the rest of my body a fraudulent bill of goods.
This is basically where I am with learning the samba in preparation for my performance at Carnival 2009 in Rio, where my wife and I will be a part of the Imperatriz Leopoldinense Samba School. I’m dealing with blatantly lying hips that are bent on wholesale destruction.
It wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that I just discovered that I actually had hips. In nearly 42 years on this planet, I have lived a relatively hip-free existence. The only real difference between myself and a sheet of plywood is width. Aside from that, our movements are almost exactly the same.
Each time we go to our samba class, it is a non-stop battle between myself and my hips. My patient and annoyingly talented instructor Fabinho gives me simple instructions on how to over exaggerate the swinging hip motion that more or less defines the samba. Then he shows me how it’s done, looking smoother than butter on the dance floor. Then I attempt it and look like Gumby on acid. Then Fabinho tells me to loosen up more and I manage to look someone’s playing hacky sack with a long-dead jellyfish.
Emilia, however, has found her inner Brasileira. If her hips are lying, I’m buying it. She’s taking to Fabinho’s instruction with gusto, and I’m positive she’ll be a huge hit during the Carnival celebration. My samba queen has moves, I tell you, and is loving the whole experience, no matter how often I question why we couldn’t have started our dancing careers by learning a pleasant waltz.
But so far, this whole experience is bringing back very pleasant memories of my Mom, however. Because while I am forever grateful for the positive attributes my Mom instilled in me, my inability to dance can be traced right to her. Did you ever see the “Seinfeld” episode where Elaine danced and left everyone in stitches? Well, Elaine was Ginger Rogers compared to my Mom. My Mom danced as if some was shooting small amounts of electricity into random parts of her body, all to a rhythm only she seemed to know. But she would have such a great time doing it that it worked. Her natural adorableness made her a dancer to enjoy. That was my Mom – whatever she did, she enjoyed, and you just couldn’t help enjoying it with her.
When Emilia and I were married in Brazil, my parents flew down and participated. And they got to see Brazilians party with their very own eyes. What was great about it was that they took a very “when in Rome” attitude, and partied, drank and danced. We even have pictures of my Dad sucking on a huge lollipop while dancing along with the three transgendered females who made an appearance at our reception and took it to the next level of festa. It was an epic party, to say the least, and years later friends still tell us how much fun they had.
When my parents left our reception at 4 a.m., my Mom, who was never opposed to enjoying a glass of wine or two and had a very pleasant buzz, saw that we had a table near the exit with shots of Baileys. My Mom stopped and said “Hey, Baileys!” and downed a shot and went happily on her way with my Dad.
“The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, I see,” said my wife, laughing.
No, this apple sure doesn’t. Which is why I’m taking samba classes and preparing to dance center stage at one of the world’s largest parties. Because, like my Mom, I want to try and take advantage of every opportunity that life throws at me. And I want to enjoy it all to the fullest. Regardless of whatever devious schemes my lying hips have in store for me.
(See “Samba Bill and the Road to Carnival, Part 1″ by clicking here)
RALEIGH, N.C. — Federal election officials say John Edwards owes taxpayers more than $2.1 million in public matching funds improperly received after he dropped his 2008 run for the White House, yet disclosure reports show his failed campaign is still spending freely.
Edwards’ hopes for the Democratic presidential nomination imploded in a sex scandal four years ago that left him facing criminal charges. But reports filed last week show his 2008 primary campaign spent $836,712 in 2011 on airfare, hotel rooms, cell phones and other expenses [....]
News came hours after police surrounded the US consulate in Chengdu prompting rumours of an attempted defection
By Tania Branigan in Beijing, guardian.co.uk, 8 Feb., 2012, 07.30 EST
A high-profile Chinese official is receiving "vacation-style treatment" for stress, officials have announced – hours after police surrounded a US consulate, prompting widespread speculation of an attempted defection.
The rumours around Wang Lijun's sudden disappearance from public life are an unwelcome development for his patron, Chongqing's ambitious party secretary, Bo Xilai. Bo has been widely tipped for promotion when a new generation of leaders takes power in China this autumn [....] rumours of a split between the men emerged when Wang was abruptly moved to a non-police portfolio last week [....]
Joe Arpaio is called the 'America's toughest Sheriff', but Maricopa County is not so tough if you are white, booked on suspicion of 8 felonies, caught with stolen items in the home of your grandmother who is trying to kick you out, along with body armor, guns and drug paraphernalia. The Maricopa County Attorney's office, headed by a Republican, released the suspect with no charges being filed, just weeks before two grisly murders, because of the need to 'develop evidence' (like, maybe Grandma stole the motorcycle, owned the drugs, guns and body armor?) If the 8 felony suspect was Latino, would he have been set free so easily?
The individual involved was later arrested with four others, for the crimes of robbing and killing a wealthy Paradise Valley Arizona couple whose burned bodies were found bound in their destroyed house. The Jaguar automobile of the couple was found burned at another location.
MIAMI – A former Ecuadorean newspaper columnist who faces prison and millions of dollars in fines for his criticism of President Rafael Correa requested asylum Wednesday in the U.S., claiming he is the victim of persecution aimed at stifling free expression. Emilio Palacio, 58, said in an asylum application that a criminal libel judgment against him in his homeland shows he "is being severely punished in Ecuador for expressing legitimate opinions and subjective interpretations of factual events."
A four-hour, closed-door hearing was held Wednesday in Miami [....]
The Inter-American Press Association, for example, called the president's actions "a systematic and hostile campaign to do away with the independent press." Similar claims have been leveled against Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, an ally of Correa's [....]
By David M. Herszenhorn and James Gorman, New York Times, Feb. 8/9, 2012
MOSCOW — In the coldest spot on the earth’s coldest continent, Russian scientists have reached a freshwater lake the size of Lake Ontario after spending a decade drilling through more than two miles of solid ice, the scientists said on Wednesday.
A statement by the chief of the Vostok Research Station, A.M. Yelagin, released by the director of the Russian Antarctic Expedition, Valery Lukin, said the drill made contact with the lake water at a depth of 12, 366 feet. As planned, lake water under pressure rushed up the bore hole 100-130 feet pushing drilling fluid up and away from the pristine water, Mr. Yelagin said, and forming a frozen plug that will prevent contamination. Next Antarctic season the scientists will return to take samples of the water [....]
The need to prevent even the slightest contamination of the lake is acute. Its environment is comparable to conditions on the moons of Jupiter, which are among the candidates for extraterrestrial life. If life exists in Vostok, it may well exist on Europa, one of the moons of Jupiter [....]
