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    Help Wanted: De Facto Leader of the Republican Party

    By Michael Wolraich on Tue, 03/10/2009 - 8:30pm | Politics, Humor & Satire

    Seeking qualified candidates for leadership role with a top American political party who will:

    • Distance the party from unsuccessful policies of the past
    • Promote the party's free market, supply-side, militaristic ideology
    • Expand the party base beyond undereducated, white, Christian men
    • Continue policies that appeal to anti-intellectual, xenophobic, misogynistic prejudices among the party base
    • Communicate the party's profound intellectual tradition
    • Invent fun jingles, e.g. "Drill, baby, drill"
    • Marginalize popular media stars who make the party seem in intolerant and extremist
    • Appease popular media stars who appeal to intolerant extremists
    • Establish a reputation for big ideas and can-do ethic
    • Obstruct, obstruct, obstruct

    Requirements:

    • Charisma
    • Marketing savvy
    • Ruthlessness
    • Familiarity with hip-hop music and urban slang
    • Ethnic and/or female attributes a plus

    Compensation:

    • We offer competitive salaries, benefits, and raw power

    Homosexuals, Muslims, atheists, and Bushes need not apply

    Topics: 
    Politics
    Humor & Satire

    Comments

    Praise the anti-lord, I'm disqualified!


    by Bluesplashy on Wed, 03/11/2009 - 11:14am

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