FORT COLLINS, Colo. — The parents accused of concocting a publicity stunt by pretending their young son had climbed aboard a homemade helium balloon and was hurtling through the Colorado skies will surrender to the authorities as soon as charges are filed, the lawyer for the father said Monday.

In addition to the surrender of Richard and Mayumi Heene, millions of others will also surrender themselves to federal authorities, whether charged or not. For example, Shepard Smith of Fox News is expected to surrender for spending three hours watching the balloon, wondering aloud if it was a hoax, yet not following through whatsoever, choosing instead to reflect on his childhood.

In fact, hundreds of national journalists are expected to surrender to authorities for the whole charade, and for not getting a balloon expert to look at the balloon and say “No, you idiots, there’s no child in there, stop trying to save money by following someone else’s feed.”

More than one million Americans are expected to surrender to authorities for secretly hoping they’d see the boy fall, while a million more will surrender for secretly hoping Jesus would swoop in and save the boy.

Aside from Smith, no one at Fox News will be surrendering, as they continue to report that there could, in fact, still be a boy in that balloon. However, federal authorities are still pleased with this unique display of personal responsibility.

“You’d think some blogger just invented this whole scenario, it’s truly inspiring,” said the authority. “As for Fox News, the orders are to mock them on site. Just like always.”

–WKW

Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles