William K. Wolfrum's picture

    Ask your doctor if Wolf Blitzer is right for you

    By William K. Wolfrum on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 11:05am | Humor & Satire, Media

    Are you feeling bored? Are your ratings lower than a Jerseylicious repeat? Do you try to please everyone but end up just pissing people off?

    Well, maybe it’s time to ask your doctor about Wolf Blitzer.

    Taken in mass doses, Wolf Blitzer will leave you feeling refreshed and ready again for the world. Just one extra hour a day of Wolf Blitzer will give you the energy and purpose you’ve always wanted.

    Side Effects Include, But Not Limited to: Ignorance, complete submission to authority, hatred of beards, inability to ask follow-up questions, mega-flatulence, confusion, disinterest, parvo, sallyquinnitis,  erectile dysfunction, eagerness to watch Jerseylicious reruns, illiteracy and, in severe cases, mumbling fugues.

    Ask your doctor if Wolf Blitzer is right for you.

    –WKW

    Crossposted at William K. Wolfrum Chronicles

    Topics: 
    Humor & Satire
    Media

    Comments

    Dr. Wolfrum, is Wolf Blitzer right for me?

    Also, Dr. Wolfrum... do you take United Healthcare?  Or chickens?


    by Michael Maiello on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 12:00pm

    After all of these years I have no animosity towards the gentleman; I just cannot take his voice anymore!

    Of course there is his real message about things.

    Well it appears that some people still are not that sure about whether or not our current President was actually born of a woman.

    That is for you, our viewers to decide!

    Yeah thanks Wolf.


    by Richard Day on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 12:34pm

    Was he from his mother's womb untimely ripped, or is he just Scottish?  While we ponder that, Jack Cafferty would like to complain for thirty seconds about milk prices.


    by Michael Maiello on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 1:11pm

    hahahahaahahahaah

    Jack is worth the time, assuming you can kind of channel surf as a genius to catch him.

    His one political position is to ALWAYS VOTE YOUR CURRENT REPRESENTATIVE OUT OF OFFICE.

    I gotta believe it would be fun to drink about eight beers with him in some dark bar somewhere. hahahahahah


    by Richard Day on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 3:11pm

    I really do like the format on the Melissa-Harris Perry show on the weekend. There are fuller discussions of each topic.


    by rmrd0000 on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 2:39pm

    Oops. I'm being told that  show is not on CNN.

    Maybe the world traveling chef's show will improve ratings. They should put the chef in charge of a boot camp style restaurant where he yells at contestants trying to prepare meals in hope of winning money. That show would be newsworthy.


    by rmrd0000 on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 2:43pm

    Fareed Zakaria examines the problems in depth.  

    http://globalpublicsquare.blogs.cnn.com/


    by Resistance on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 2:57pm

    I had forgotten about him. I haven't watched CNN for a long time now.Does he still ask the question of the day?

     


    by rmrd0000 on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 3:57pm

    Yes  

    A Tree Grows At CNN: Fareed Zakaria And The Quest For Journalistic Integrity

    “Far from just asking the typical pointless questions, the moderator, Fareed Zakaria, was attempting to get a dialogue of ideas flowing between the guests. ……. Whenever the train seemed on the verge of jumping the tracks he would step in and steer it back on course like a good moderator is supposed to do – hello, David Gregory

    That’s because Fareed Zakaria is an actual journalist. He is both editor-at-large and a columnist for Time magazine, as well as The Washington Post. As recently as 2010, he was a columnist for Newsweek and editor of its international division.”

    CNN has captured lightning in a bottle here, albeit quite by accident. …. Fareed Zakaria is the perfect tonic for an ailing profession.

    http://www.addictinginfo.org/2012/05/21/a-tree-grows-at-cnn-fareed-zakaria-and-the-quest-for-journalistic-integrity/


    by Resistance on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 5:17pm

    Yup, news roundups are considered boring by the majority.

    Now I will accept that Wolf is no Cronkite, but he at least continues the style of anchor presenting the news, not punditry, and I recall that Cronkite and Huntley and Brinkley were considered boring, too, for doing the same. Was like eating spinach for many folks, homework you had to do to be a responsible citizen, serious white guys droning news reports at a desk  and sometimes asking another white guy from Washington DC a question. (And also depressing, ie, "geez that news is depressing, hon, why do you always have to watch the news, can you please switch to the game show on the independent network?")

    Yes, it's considered more exciting and garners much better ratings to have pundits yelling at each other or at minimum earnestly preaching their political p.o.v.  and putting their own spin on the days' stories like a lot of bloggers do.

    And doing "gotchas" with interviewees, that's another biggie; then everyone can blog on gotcha and Facebook the gotcha..

    Why do people find it useful or good to trash CNN? At least they try to push some news with the political shlock and political manipulation. And it costs them to do that, to keep pushing at least some news when cable "news" watchers don't really want news but politics, it really does. For example, I'd be willing to bet Zakaria's show is a big money loser for them.  And that if they got rid of Wolf and got someone more "exciting," more provocative, more argumentative, they could make more money. So all the shows are not as serious as in the old CNN days, at least they still try, while the others gave up long ago..

    Side note: kudos due to Bloomberg TV, which I get, for not going the way of CNBC yet (by which i mean the same path and as Fox News and MSNBC.)


    by artappraiser on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 9:17pm

    AA, one can be a huge fan of Cronkite, Huntley, Brinkley, etc., and still not be able to stomach Wolf Blitzer.  It's not that he's boring, or that there isn't a place for someone reporting the news in a subjective, straightforward way, it's that the man is so damned annoying. 

    If he's not going at it breathlessly (as in, "How horrible was it?", an exact quote many times over), he's distracted and struggling for just the right word (which almost never comes).  Considering how long he's been at it he still comes across as an embarrassing amateur.  

    I would love to see a serious, unbiased news show, but I would hope when it comes nobody invites Wolf Blitzer to anchor it.  I won't be able to watch it.  Seriously.

    By the way, I don't think we're trashing CNN, unless Wolf owns it.  Soledad O'Brien's new morning show is very good.  Anderson Cooper can be amazing at times.  There is still some excellent reporting coming out of CNN.  I just don't see where Blitzer is doing any of it, and I don't know many people who think he has any talent as a newscaster. 

    That's the mystery.


    by Ramona on Fri, 06/15/2012 - 3:54pm

    I used to get these awful head aches when I was on Wolf Blitzer but since my doctor switched me to Judy Woodruff I no longer have many side effects at all. 

    Just a mild dizziness with the initial application followed by some loss of mental acuity and confusion.


    by cmaukonen on Thu, 06/14/2012 - 10:06pm

    And to think they fired Judy from CNN.  The last day I watched CNN was the last day Judy Woodruff was on.  They made the mistake of running off Ted Turner.  


    by trkingmomoe on Fri, 06/15/2012 - 4:51am

    Woodruff may have been a jewel at CNN, but she's the class clown at newhour. She reliably toes the pug line in interviews. Follow up? Softballs only.

    by jollyroger on Fri, 06/15/2012 - 4:59am

    I've always suspected Blitzer is either related to a biggie over at CNN or has something on someone big.  He is the least talented news show headliner I've ever seen anywhere, and that might possibly include anyone at Fox.  (I don't know that for sure since I don't watch anyone at Fox, but I hear rumors.)

    Wolf's voice, his mannerisms, his inanities, his softball interviews. . .annoying beyond belief.  I just can't watch him anymore.  And since this is still America, at least for the time being, I don't have to.


    by Ramona on Fri, 06/15/2012 - 2:32pm

    Latest Comments