Michael Wolraich's picture

    The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 3: With helpers like this...

    So God finished his business and left for vacation. Adam and the woman hung out in the garden with a particularly clever snake. When Adam was off doing something (don’t ask), the snake asked the woman about what fruit she was allowed to eat. The woman explained what God had said about the toxic properties of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. The snake, who was apparently smarter than the people, told the woman that what God had said was false.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    Anti-Semitism - It's a Small World After All

     

    Question: What do privileged psychopaths from Connecticut have in common with Pakistani propagandists?

    Answer: They hate the Jews.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 2: Adam gets a "helper"

    As I said, God took a day off. It’s not clear what he did on his day off, but we hope something fun and relaxing. But before he called it quits, God made a pretty garden for the first man, Adam. The garden had some nice trees, including the Tree of Life and the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, which is a long name for a tree. Before heading out, God commanded Adam not to eat from the tree with the long name for “the day you eat from it, you will definitely die.”

    Larry Jankens's picture

    Larry vs. Homophobic Idiots: Maine Legalizes Gay Marrige!

    I want to marry gays.  I really do.  If it were legal to do so in my state, I would become an ordained minister to join a gay couple in holy and legal matrimony.  I view it as a benchmark of American progress.  It would be a fine example of the reason prevailing against rhetoric, because reasonably LGBT folks should be able to marry and enjoy all the benefits that heterosexual couples do. 

    Why should gay marriage be legal?  Because the arguments against it are so asinine they make neocon political ideals look logical, or even moral.

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    DF's picture

    The New McCarthyism: Fear of Vaccination is Killing Kids

    What do you do when herd immunity among children is being destroyed by parents who have been scared by unfounded claims that vaccinations cause autism, an idea being promoted in the media by celebrities like Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, who has recently been annointed by the Poperah?  It sounds like a recipe for disaster, but than

    Orlando's picture

    Meet Your New Roommate or Obama’s Plan to House the Guantanamo Prisoners

    Sometimes, I get confused when people use slang or terms of art. I’m more of a straightforward, un-fancy communicator. I’m ashamed to admit it might be something I have in common with our former president—although I tend not to make up my own words.

    Something I am less ashamed to admit is that I don’t always follow some of the terms bandied about on the blogs. One of those terms is “strawman.” I’m from the Midwest. Out here, strawmen live in fields and they don’t generally talk, which makes it difficult for them to participate in arguments.

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    Michael Wolraich's picture

    News From the Future: U.S. Passes "Straight To Scrap" Auto Subsidy

    May 6, 2029

    President George Prescott Bush signed into law a ground-breaking automobile subsidy that will pay the United States' last remaining automaker, General Chrysford, to build cars that will be shipped straight to the scrapyards. The Automotive Repurposing Act is designed to help the Big One survive a global glut of automobiles that has driven the price of cars below the break-even point. Lisa Lemmon, the CEO of General Chrysford, has lobbied hard for the bill and argued in a recent USA McNews editorial that the auto company could not survive without assistance:

    Larry Jankens's picture

    Bristol Palin and the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy

    Today is the National Day to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, brought to you by the Candies Foundation.  Yesterday, the Candies Foundation announced teen-mom/example-that-abstinence-only-doesn’t-work, Bristol Palin, would be it’s new ambassador.  This is the most ironic spokesperson since Stephen Hawking did a Nike cross-training commercial. I mean, come on!

    In the press release announcing the ambassadorship, Palin said "If I can prevent even one girl from getting pregnant, I will feel a sense of accomplishment."

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    Deadman's picture

    Why Facebook will be a HUGE business...

    Late last year one of my predictions for 2009 was that Facebook would go public, sparking a mini-rally in the markets.

    Michael Wolraich's picture

    The Heretic's Bible - Genesis 1: God’s first week of work

    At first, there wasn’t much of anything. Well, there was God, and there was some water, so maybe that’s a lot. But there wasn’t anything else, that’s my point. Then God decided to make some other stuff probably because he was bored of the water. So first he made some light so that he could see what he was doing. He thought that was a pretty good accomplishment for the first day and congratulated himself on a job well done.

    The second day, God made a hole in the water and called it the sky.

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